Entry #100

   Ashla is growing up fast. She's been hiding out with Stlian lately, and in the Nix bunker. She says he fixed it up nicely, and she's all proud of herself for helping him. She has a lot to be proud of, these days. Stlian is training her to fight and evade in style. She told me all about how she was able to elude him in a training exercise--  all in her little dress and heels! What impressed me most, though, was her quick thinking. She hid in the river. Remembering stories from Lawrence and me, she ducked under the water, and breathed through a straw-like reed she bit off while she was down below. Crafty little one..  I think she's ready for more advanced work.

   Pockets, in the meantime, is doing work of his own. He's been meeting Crosswire and Ry for me, in the underlevels of Coruscaunt, to help with a facet of our investigation. Because of the similarity between Plo's situation and the situation I was in with Silverson down there, it's important to cover all bases. I thought he might tire of always shuttling back and forth between Coruscaunt and The Rim, but he seems very enthusiastic about the assignment for some reason. He was such a... well.... wimp when I took him to the commons in Red Sands, I thought for sure he'd hate the dirty, dusty junkheaps in the underlevels even worse. Yet Lawrence says, as he supervises the missions, that he can't keep away. He'll spend hours even after his assignments with Ry and the other children scrounging for salvage in the heart of the dump itself! Always the ones you least expect..

   Not to be outdone, even little Blake is making advancements. She's getting stronger, and even a bit mobile. If I set her on the floor, she'll scoot and wriggle and flop about like she's trying to get somewhere. She doesn't seem to be advancing in speech, though, at all like the twins did when they were her size. It's a developmental milestone that I'll have to consult the ...preistess? ...preistess in training? ..doctor? Kiora about, next appointment at the temple. I've already asked my mother about it, and she says that while Blake does seem a little slow, in that respect, children tend to catch up in their own way, in their own time. It may, we theorized, have to do with her force-traits compensating for her lack of audio-communication skills. She seems to be a natural telepath..  unconciously sending breif signals when she stares at others. It makes me wonder if she can "hear" as well as "speak". In any case, I tend to sheild her face with a blanket when we go out, scince I've noticed that the phenomenon only occurs when she makes steady eye-contact with another.

   Keren is marrying a bothaness, Ryuko. If I didn't know better, I'd say that maybe he took on something of Sayon's.. eh..  instinct..  with his memories. In any case, I'm happy to see him in love again, and happier still with a woman who will stand by him. He's given me the honor, and duty, of seeing to the details of the ceremony, and marrying the pair on my yacht Starstreak. I only hope thepreparations will be to his liking. While he does say that however I think is best will do fine, I worry that there are certain tastes of his that some practical matter or other might offend. He wants, for example, for nobody to be armed- something I wouldn't have even thought of on my own. I've made it a point to study more traditional weddings, with Ashla's help, and we're going to build a nice "alter" around the technical preperations. I hope it turns out well.

   I know I have more to report, but I wanted to focus on some nice things while they're happening, before I go back and tackle the heavier things. Take the good while you can have it, I say. The rest will be saved for another time...  hopefully with more answers than I have now.

*END*


Comments

Entry #99

   The Enclave is after Ashla. It's her first time being really, truly targeted. She's paranoid, as is to be expected, but she's a trooper after all. She's with her father now, training to move quick and shoot straight. She's got sharp eyes..  and with some practice she'll be a decent marksman. Which is good, of course, because the Enclave must be fought from a distance. Their resistance to the force leaves them invulnerable to her battle meditation, and would disrupt anyone's senses if they tried to fight meelee with the force.

   I know whatever the hell they're putting in the water these days is tripping my senses big time..   I could hardly fly low near them, when I was attempting to provide air-support for the others as they fought. I'm just glad that by that time, Ashla and Plank had made the jump to hyperspace, and the Enclave troopers were busy battling the Imperials. I crashed my ship in the nearby shrubbery on the hills.

   Zan and Stlian were another story..  they were in pretty bad shape, but an unlikely hero showed up to pull us out of the fire. Concordius Nix. Never. Never in my life, will I ever beleive ANYONE is EVER as dead as they say they are. Least of all a Nix. Stlian was right..  they're very hard to kill. He put Zan in his ship, giuving him a chance to heal himself and escape. Then he put Stlian in my ship, which he jury-rigged somehow to get it to blast off again. I told Stlian about it later, and he still doesn't beleive it's him.

   Cord, Stlian and Falcun's father, never died, but has been in hiding for years. He's almost completely cybernetic, now, and yet he refuses to upgrade his vital components. I suppose I can understand that..  I'm not exactly comfortable with modifying my body- replacing my missing leg, for example -either. What I find it hard to understand is why he would hide himself so long from his own children. I know fear has a lot to do with it.. there's a lot of fear with him. But there's also something else. I get the sense that he's hiding something, still, from me. Lying, even. I didn't press it, though.

   We've got bigger fish to fry. Falcun has been poisoned. It's a designer poison that's been crafted to react negitavely with bacta. I wish I knew more..  but I haven't even seen him. Cord has gotten to him, though, and even saved him from some rodian slime who tried to slip bacta into his tank. He dropped an old CorSec thing on the way, the rodian did. Another clue. A few suspicions arise...  Zairus, who's in possession of an alchemical holocron...  Rogue CorSec, who experimented on him in the past...  even Father's name came up. I don't want to beleive Father could have possibly done it..  but his absence has been suspicious, and after what he did to Stlian I have.. less faith. It's not something I don't beleive it..  but it's not something I'll totally dismiss, either.

   After talking to Cord, I needed to clear my head to focus. I busied myself putting the finishing touches on the Kimogila leather that I've been working on scince Plo and I took on that group of 'em on the salvage run. Figured I'd run it down to him tonight..  use it as an excuse to check on him, too. Didn't get a hold of the medicine, but he liked the leather. Wants me to sew it onto his swoop..  which I admit sounds like fun, as well as another convenient excuse to hang around.

   While we were there, we ran into a bounty-hunter down on her luck. The poor girl's sister just died, while they were chasing a mark together. She was twitchy, the hunter was, and melancholy...  I'm not sure, but I get the sense she was a zeltron, even though she didn't act as one. There's something odd about her..  I feel bad 'cause I wanted to help her, but blast..  I have my own affairs to attend to right now. Besides..  I think Plo's got this one.


*END*


Comments

Entry #98

*The device clicks on as the scratch of leather skidding against stone can be heard. The woman can be heard growling quietly like a wounded animal, and trying to catch her breath. The voice that speaks next isn't her own, but a man's voice with a serious high-Coruscaunti accent.*

   Bloody hell..  you're worse off than you looked....

   I'm sorry, Lawrence..

   Hold still. *The clatter and clank of gear being un-fastened, and hooks being unhooked, rattles into the mic as he speaks.* Whatever possesed you to keep going long enough to get to this point? It was only a salvage run.

   We took down one of them..  wasn't so bad..  'till the rest of them came about.  It was my fault. I couldn't carry my weight. I.. heh.. I'm too young.....  to be getting too old for this.......

   You baited three kimogilas at once, Nyx-Warda, what the devil did you think was going to happen? It's a wonder your sullustian friend didn't bring you home in a body-bag.

   They were only small ones.........

   I doubt that mattered much. There's no shame in backing down..  salvage isn't worth your life.

   It's not the salvage, it's the principle. If I can't take on a set of dumb animals, who's to say I'm fit for any combat at all? How am I gonna' pull through when it does count? *She breathes in sharply, and muffles her cough with a handkercheif.* Am I..  *cough* am I that washed up? ...that worn out? ...that rusty? I'm a kark-blasted has-been....

   Combat skills return with time and training. The fighting was only a small part of your mission, anyhow. *There's a rustle as he helps her pull up, and sits beside her* Think of your objective. Did you learn anything?

   Well, I learned that the sherrif isn't the one calling the shots. There's someone else..  someone that can't be identified. I should be relieved, but I can't help but think of what happened with the Starbender assignment. It's just..  too damn close..  ye'know?

   I see..   You know where Starbender is...  but then, he wasn't the only one in on the assignment, back then, was he? There could be another puppet-master-

*She breathlessly completes the thought...* Jerard Blaaq...

   He may not be involved..  but it would be best to cover all bases.

   There's something else. Plo has some kind of medicine he takes now..  "Ass kicking" medicine. Some kind of inhaler. If Blaaq..  Silverson...  anyone like that is involved, it could be more than just medicine. He did seem a bit different..  but it could just be the change of setting.

   Just in case, you should try to take a sample, and see if you can get Zan to perform a titration on it.

   Aye..   after I sleep for about a month...  heheh...

   *Chuckle* Yes...  priorities, priorities....... *The jacket can be heard being shoved away, with the rest of the gear......*


*END*

Comments

Entry #97

   Blake Breil'lya Turncoat.

   Yes, clan Alya approved the use of Breil'lya as a middle name. I'm not to use it "As a last name on any legal documents, or attempt to claim any clan affiliation, or political position" but that's OK. Never wanted that anyway. All we wanted was to honor a friend.

   That was months ago. I've niglected this record, in the meantime. As usual there's much to report...  and as usual I'll probably be mentioning it in passing if at all for the sake of moving on and keeping the record going.

   Scince then, I have "died" and Blake has been born. A Lokian named Jakcen found me hiding out ad training in the Agrilat Swamp, and after hearing a bit of my story, offered to help fake my death to take the heat off me. He passed the story along to a friend who owed him a favor, and that story made it all the way to the holonet. According to reports, I attacked Jakcen on his ship with my lightsaber, and he killed me, and spaced the body fearing I might come back as a zombie. In reality, I'm staying at one of his safehouses in Aventine, taking advantage of the heat dying down to take it easy for a while and take care of Blake.

   I intended to retire, actually...  but I should have known better than that. Keren came to see me...  and he needed my help. I couldn't turn him away. Not again. Not scince Virantis. Besides, I trust he won't call me for actual combat unless he absolutely has to. I took a couple minutes...  two minutes....   to take my rest, before I gave him my answer. A "yes", of course.

   Plo wasn't too happy to hear about that, especially scince I couldn't tell him exactly what I was doing--  just that he'd have to be turning his bug-cams off for a little while. I guess that makes us even, though, because truth be told I'm not to happy with some of his recent dealings either. He promised he wouldn't get involved with the spice trade. Like an idiot, I beleived him, but he ended up betraying that promise. When I found out, I locked him in my chamber in the workshop. I had intended to feed him all the kark-blasted spice he could take, and then some, and watch him go through the withdrawls...  just so he would understand exactly what he was getting into. My nerve failed me, though. I let him go, and he went with Zan to drag him into void knows what, and I snuck off to the balcony and cried like a weak little bitch. I don't know what to do now. I failed-- bet on the wrong pod. He's gotten too close to us already, and if I can't help him...  well..  I'll have to do my duty, to ensure the family's safety.

   Bloody hell. No rest.

   Well..  at least there has been some measure of mercy in my dreams. The nightmares have..  not ceased..  but settled, I think. I'm almost certain it's all connected to whatever Keren did when Blake was born. The day she was born, there was a massive disturbance in the force that tremored through all of Lok like a quake. With no time to get off the planet, I could tell then that it was do or die. I went to the scource of the disturbance, and found Keren already there, along with several other jedi I didn't know. We were all there for the same reason. We came to a small complex in the middle of the desert, filled with traps and pitfalls, and alchemically altered creatures growing in tubes. Though I shied away from the combat, my sight, at least, was useful in detecting the traps that were laid ahead of us. Though we got out of the complex with the information we needed, I failed to see the mission through to the end. It was just like on Korriban, when the twins were born. The disturbance in the force was too much..  and I'd started going into labor. When we got to the pickup point, I could barely walk.

   Father took me to the hospital, and called the family to aid us. I blacked out, and fell into a healing trance, trying to fight back the force-corruption that was already a part of me and keep it from Blake. In a while, I heard Keren's voice in my mind, and saw him in the dreamstate. His image was decked out like some kind of ancient knight. Losing my battle against the corruption, I asked him to use his force-light on us to protect the baby. I expected that straight light-energy would kill me, but he did something different that I still don't understand. I think he made some kind of circle between us, and channeled the force-light through it, so that the shadows that tried to attack us broke themselves against his armor. Also, somehow, I could have sworn I sensed Stlian somewhere in the dreamstate trying to absorb our pain to aid us. Father said it was impossible, but "impossible" is a flexable word. I could never tell, though, because I lost touch. I didn't die..  but I found myself alone in a world between the dreamstate and the netherworld of the force. I could see the physical world on the other side of the glass, but couldn't break through it. A shadowy hand reached through the glass, and wanted to pull me back, but Keren came up from behind me and turned me away from it. He pulled me through the barrier himself, and as it happened, the shadowy figure passed straight through us and disappeared into the void. I blanked out. Everything was silent, and blank, and hollow, and too bright to see anything in. When I came to, I could hear Mother's voice, and Blake's crying. She gave me my child, and we were all alive, and everything was all right.

   We stayed in the hospital for a while. I was too weak to be moved for a couple days, and for a little while after that, I couldn't even wear armor or walk long distances. We were healthy, though, and many harmful effects of the corruption were undone. I no longer have to worry about killing someone just by touching them, for example. Mother explains it as the corruption being like a scar, wheras before it was like an open wound. It's still there. I still feel it. Yet, I've been granted a measure of rest from it-- a chance to re-learn control..  and hopefully not re-injure myself. I've begun to walk, now, and can wear -some- armor, but I'm still not one-hundred percent. I intend to take advantage of this while I can. Second chances don't come cheap..  or often.


*END*


Comments

Entry #96

   We went to Sayon's memorial, at the site where he passed away. Rurra, the bothaness who organized the rescue mission, organized the memorial as well. It was strange to be among all these other beings who knew him. Most of them, I didn't know. Zan and Stlian were there, brought, and I brought the children. We thought it might be good for them to understand what happened, and to have a chance to say goodbye.

   We stayed a while, and they were tired, by the end of it. Especially Ashla. Pockets, I wonder if we'll ever need to worry about. It's like I was telling Stlian. He's not half as sensitive as Ashla is, because growing up around her, he was in a sense forced to build up an immunity to emotional stresses. She not only feels the emotions of others, but projects her own. He's learned to shrug it off, more or less, to keep from being effected too badly.

   Ash, of course, lacks any such resistance. I used to worry that this would make her weak, but now, I'm not so sure. This Battle Meditation that Vahn theorized about..  it's all too real. Talking with Muaarga and Stlian about it, the things I heard..  they're both inspiring and terrifying. Battle Meditation is a rare gift, and those with true meditation have even decided the outcome of whole wars. She will need to be taught to handle her talent responsably..  but also protected from those who would use her for their own gains. We've decided she'll need to be watched, and not just by her bodyguards. When she's not with Lawrence or me, she'll be trusted with Arden, Zan, Muaarga, Keren or Stlian. Vahn, I'm not so sure about.

   I don't know what to think of Vahn. I can't figure what his game is. Either he has none, or he's very good at hiding it. Everyone has a game, so I'm inclined to believe it's the latter, especially when you take his age, skill, and experience into account. I remember his political aspirations, too..  some kind of free planets alliance seperatist movement.. though as of now he's the only one left of his particular faction. Except Ashla...   she takes it to heart because, truth be told, I take it to heart. Which makes me wonder..  is -this- his game? Is Ashla the key to seeing his politcal visions realized? Muaarga looked into her future.. he said he could see her as a great leader, he just wasn't sure of what. Of course he also said it didn't seem dark. A faction that practically doesn't exist yet, I'm guessing, would be hard to identify in a vision. He also said it, whatever it was, didn't seem to be dark. If Ash is the key to Vahn's success..  and Muaarga's visions are as accurate as they have a habit of being..  perhaps I shouldn't interefere with them being brought together, and fulfilling this destiny. Then again..  mayb it wasn't destiny..  maybe it was a warning.

   All I know is that, even now, she's very powerful whether she realizes it or not. She hurt Vahn badly that first day when they met, when she mistook him for an enemy. On the flipside, just recently, she kept herself and Stlian from getting hurt, by blocking a berzerk drain of mine while nearly forcing me to hug her. I wouldn't touch her or anyone before, because I was afraid of that drain getting out of hand. Still..  both times, she seemed unaware of having done anything at all. She didn't mean to hurt Vahn, or even attack him, that day they met, yet she subdued him effectively. She didn't mean to defend anyone or heal anyone when she hugged me, yet she controlled a condition which even I can't control.

   We didn't have much time to think it over, after it happened. I was still holding her with me, when the Enclave came for me. Stlian held them off, while I went down to the basement with Ashla. For the first time in years, I picked up a lightsaber. I used it to hack away at the rock, and seal the entrance, then pile more rock against the archives to conceal them from veiw. The goal was to carve a tunnel through the earthen wall, and escape before they reached the library. The library was never reached, however, and Stlian brought us to the surface. We weren't out of the woods yet, though. They were all around us..  void dead-spots in the force where forests should have been. Stlian lent us his speeder to flee to Libria, and we took refuge in the basement of Father's old bunker. Zan showed up.. and Falcun.. and Ek'fe.. and a small army of CorSec officers. I ducked behind the bar, keeping Ashla under cover while they battled it out on the upper levels. In the end, the enclave lost that battle, but I get the feeling this isn't the end of it. Now that they know about Ashla, they'll be after her too. Also, if they're bold enough to even come to Libria in the first place, I expect they'll have no qualms coming again in greater numbers. They know we're here now..  but I don't know if we should leave. We're running out of places to run to.

   Someone else also knows we're here. Messy came after me. That sounds horrible to say, but I can't call him by his new name. I thought he was dead, but no, he's alive and warped worse than before. He also has an apprentice. They came down to the bunker, after me, wanting our knowledge. Somehow he knew we were in the bunker. I wonder if he can sense me.. in which case there's even more to think about. Dosni was there, too. He came to answer the warning over the network about the Enclave, but he made it after the battle. Down on the lower level there was a force-feild, just outside the elevator. The rest of us were on one side of it, away from the elevator. Dosni, Messy, and the apprentice were on the other side of it. Nobody knew the code to the force-feild. I could pass through it, if I concentrated, parting the current, but I couldn't bring Dosni back with me. The apprentice attacked Dosni, and he held impressively well. I took Ashla, and hid her, and stayed behind with her while the others handled Messy.

   While we were there, Ashla asked me about Messy.. about why I'd said he was a friend once.. I told her the story. She asked me why they were fighting, and then, why I didn't stop it. Truth be told, the thought didn't occur to me that I could try to stop it. I wouldn't have gone and tried if Ashla hadn't asked me, but when she did, it was like I couldn't say no. I went into the other room to find Dosni on the safe side of the forcefeild, and our side engaging in a taunting-match with the other side. I stepped in to talk to Messy face to face, adressing why he was here. Knowledge. Knowledge for what? Knowledge is useless without training, I told him. The situation quieted somewhat, as Messy called his apprentice back, and we agreed on a bit of a cease-fire. I stepped through the force-feild, parting the current around me. Zan looked at me like I was fucking crazy. I really should have been fucking crazy.. because passing through that force-feild left me defenseless while I was doing it, and once I got through, my odds weren't too good if they'd decided to fight. I guess.. I don't know..  some hopeless part of me still almost trusts him, and maybe feels I owe him that trust for what he did for me. He sold his soul to save mine. I can't help but hope that I can help him still, at least just a little bit.

   I got a good look at him, for the first time, to see how far the corruption had spread. It was deeply rooted- a part of him, even, by now. I knew there was no way to remove it completely. Then I thought. The same could have been said for me..  but then I was able to contain it with so much help. Then I thought of why he was corrupted. It wasn't because of any evil aspirations of his, or some horrible deed he had done- it was because he had been attacked. It was darkness without purpose. I thought what purpose he could have. At one point, I would have said protecting me, because that's what he would have said..  but I've always known it was something more than that. I know, if I were in his place, I would have wanted freedom, or redemption, or both. I know he himself wanted to forget a lot of things, especially order 66, and that he used to recognise a higher morality than his programming would allow him to follow. By now, I doubt he still cares for the morality or the redemption..  does he? I expect that maybe he doesn't care.. or thinks it's to late.. or probably thinks he's above it now that he has power. Then it hit me. The power. Forcers were gods to him. If power is all he wants then that he can have, and I can even help him with. I promised to train him at the Garden House, and he left, taking his padawan with him.

   Afterward, Zan was bugging out something bad. Turns out the creepy-side-of-the-force is catching up with him, too, and he's got some kind of force-sensitive disease. It's playing a sick game of chicken with him, trying to assimilate him before he assimilates it. He's in the same boat as me, as he put it. It sounds familiar, in a way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I get the feeling that with a little bit more information it could be understood and beaten. I don't know how much information he has on it himself, scince it seems like he just recently found out about it. Apperantly Ek'fe was teh first to know, and she damn near held him hostage to keep him from going out and doing something stupid and sucidal. Snipes, they totally love each-other. They should just get kriffing married already. Everyone thinks they're married anyway. Zan says he doesn't wanna' put her through losing him if he ends up dying of this thing, but like I told him, she's gonna lose him anyway. I say he should just make the most of what he's got left, and just take the chance. He left soon after that. Maybe to tell her maybe not. I think he's gonna' wait it out. One or the other is bound to sense something anyway sooner or later.

   Dosni ended up crashing at the bunker, and Ashla and I are going to be staying down under here for a while. I guess that's all we can do until we think of something. Until then..  I guess we just have patience. Heh..  like I always say..  not my strongsuit.

   Wish luck.

*END*


Comments

Entry #95

I dreamed about Virantis again..  It was different this time, though. It started just walking back to the site, hiking down from Aventine. Then, when I got there, everything was rebuilt. The buildings.. the walls.. even Cedric was back in his pit. I wasn't the only one going back, either. All these other people were there. Some of them I knew, some of them I didn't. I ouldn't find Fathuran, or Vearos, or Sayon anywhere, of course...  but they were all here to rebuild Virantis again....

Stone buildings stick out of sandy, rocky hills. Partially built walls surround the cluster. The hooded twi'lek goes in through the gate, trailed by her two children, she makes her way past the travel distrect..  and the trade district... and the residential district... until she reaches an all-too-familiar bunker. "Mum..  a'e we hiding again?" The girl asks. "No," the mother replies, "Not this time."

They step inside, and head don the elevator, where a tall man and an older woman are waiting. The little ones run up to the man, who stoops down to give them each a hug. The older woman is fixing something in the kitchen area behind the counter. The hooded twi'lek enters a passkey into the lock beside an old apartment door, stopping at the threshold. It's all still there.. even the herbs and hides...

Later, they're all sitting outside, having tea while sitting on top of one of the hides on the ground. The hooded twi'lek watches the citizens and patrols go by. The city sure has changed..  The feel of it has changed. It's no longer "always safe" in Virantis. The walls are half-built, the sheild is long gone, and the people here know that if they want to survive out here they'll have to fight for it. The people have changed. Even here she was a recluse, and the few she knew well here are gone. It's not the same Virantis she remembers..

Bzzzzt..  a little bug pokes at her shoulder, as a nasaly sullustian voice comes on the other end. "Nyxxxx  I'm just outside the city. Where are you?"

Just as she's about to answer, the alarm sounds. It's not as scary of a sound as it would have been once. She's used to it by now. Everyone in the city readies their weapons. Even the two children find a place to hide, and grab a sniper rifle and a sackful of detonators.

INTRUDER ALERT! BZJJJT! BZJJJT! BZJJJT! A voice screams over the city comm. channel. "Everyone to the ridge! Got snowflakes coming in from the north!"

"Nyx! The city's under attack!" The sullustian exclaims over the bug-cam. "You gotta' find someplace to hide! You gotta... Nyx?  NYX! YOU BETTER NOT BE COMING TO THE RIDGE!" Of course she's coming to the ridge. She reaches out an arm, and toasts two troopers with lightning. A third trooper comes at her from behind, and she turns to face it with her staff. A well-placed swing of the staff should make him see birdies for a while..  but something's wrong. Her legs buckle underneath her. She's been hit. She rolls down the ridge, through the sand, and under a low rocky overhang. She tries to get up, but can't. She just feels like laying her head down and resting. The frantic sullustian voice is still scolding and screaming over the comm., still having gotten no response. "Nyx...   Nyx!! NYX?"

....and then I woke up. I don't know why Plo was there, or what the dream could have meant, or why I even had to record it. I think I'll go back there, when I can, just to see whether it's something that will come true.



Comments

Entry #95

I dreamed about Virantis again..  It was different this time, though. It started just walking back to the site, hiking down from Aventine. Then, when I got there, everything was rebuilt. The buildings.. the walls.. even Cedric was back in his pit. I wasn't the only one going back, either. All these other people were there. Some of them I knew, some of them I didn't. I ouldn't find Fathuran, or Vearos, or Sayon anywhere, of course...  but they were all here to rebuild Virantis again....

Stone buildings stick out of sandy, rocky hills. Partially built walls surround the cluster. The hooded twi'lek goes in through the gate, trailed by her two children, she makes her way past the travel distrect..  and the trade district... and the residential district... until she reaches an all-too-familiar bunker. "Mum..  a'e we hiding again?" The girl asks. "No," the mother replies, "Not this time."

They step inside, and head don the elevator, where a tall man and an older woman are waiting. The little ones run up to the man, who stoops down to give them each a hug. The older woman is fixing something in the kitchen area behind the counter. The hooded twi'lek enters a passkey into the lock beside an old apartment door, stopping at the threshold. It's all still there.. even the herbs and hides...

Later, they're all sitting outside, having tea while sitting on top of one of the hides on the ground. The hooded twi'lek watches the citizens and patrols go by. The city sure has changed..  The feel of it has changed. It's no longer "always safe" in Virantis. The walls are half-built, the sheild is long gone, and the people here know that if they want to survive out here they'll have to fight for it. The people have changed. Even here she was a recluse, and the few she knew well here are gone. It's not the same Virantis she remembers..

Bzzzzt..  a little bug pokes at her shoulder, as a nasaly sullustian voice comes on the other end. "Nyxxxx  I'm just outside the city. Where are you?"

Just as she's about to answer, the alarm sounds. It's not as scary of a sound as it would have been once. She's used to it by now. Everyone in the city readies their weapons. Even the two children find a place to hide, and grab a sniper rifle and a sackful of detonators.

INTRUDER ALERT! BZJJJT! BZJJJT! BZJJJT! A voice screams over the city comm. channel. "Everyone to the ridge! Got snowflakes coming in from the north!"

"Nyx! The city's under attack!" The sullustian exclaims over the bug-cam. "You gotta' find someplace to hide! You gotta... Nyx?  NYX! YOU BETTER NOT BE COMING TO THE RIDGE!" Of course she's coming to the ridge. She reaches out an arm, and toasts two troopers with lightning. A third trooper comes at her from behind, and she turns to face it with her staff. A well-placed swing of the staff should make him see birdies for a while..  but something's wrong. Her legs buckle underneath her. She's been hit. She rolls down the ridge, through the sand, and under a low rocky overhang. She tries to get up, but can't. She just feels like laying her head down and resting. The frantic sullustian voice is still scolding and screaming over the comm., still having gotten no response. "Nyx...   Nyx!! NYX?"

....and then I woke up. I don't know why Plo was there, or what the dream could have meant, or why I even had to record it. I think I'll go back there, when I can, just to see whether it's something that will come true.



Comments

Entry #94

   Well I came down to the garden house to check on some of the plants..  reminded me of something I'd been meaning to do for a while. Decided to have a look at this artifact thing Plo found, and gave me to study. Well actually I was just gonna' put it there.. kinda' leave it on the desk or in the cabinet to look at later..   Well I couldn't help trying to take just a peek, and I was thinking it was a holocron, so I tried to open it up that way. The thing proceeded to branch out and grow..  almost twice my height. It filled the room. It was radiating some kind of energy.

    ......no such thing as a quiet day, I guess.

   I..  kinda' freaked out a bit. Never seen anything do that before. So I got on the network, and reported the what-the-kriff in my livingroom. Zan, Keren, and Muaarga were the first to come out and look at it. We all just sort of stood there for a few, wondering what it could be. Muaarga looked into it and sensed a bit of a darkside taint..  but other than that it seemed to be disrupted by something. Difficult to see. Keren tried to move it telekinetically. It grew larger. Zan theorized it was sucking up force energy, so he tried to suck energy back out of it. It started breaking and chipping as soon as he did, bits of stucture shattering on the floor in bursts of energy. That didn't keep up long, because soon enough, Ek'fe had tracked down Zan and come out here to yank him away.

   She is..  something. I guess Zan's healed her so many times that the two have formed a force-bond similar to Mine and Muaarga's. She can find him anywhere..  and I don't think she particularly liked finding him near a big scary darkside crystal thing. She actually tried to come into my house, and shoo us all out of it. Heh. That was less than successful.

   Still..  we did need to get this thing out of the house somehow. It couldn't fit through the door. Muaarga suggested we just cut a hole in the wall. Not a bad idea..  though we ultimately decided on moving the hole to the ceiling. He sliced the hole with his saber while Keren held up the bit of ceiling. Then Keren tossed out the bit of ceiling, then the arifact. Pshyooo.... pop! The artifact was out of the house........

   .......and sitting on the grass outside of it. So...  now what? I was hoping we could have moved it. Keren wanted to destroy it. Ek'fe wanted to kill it.. hurt it..  get away from it.. get Zan away from it.....    we took a closer look. It started to display some life-like tendacies, now that we could sense it better. Crystals that are alive in the force aren't..  exactly..  outside the realm of possibility, though it's rare that they're actually sentient. It is probably alive, and perhaps possibly sentient, but it's more likely that it's been imprinted on like a holocron. I admit I bent the truth a little..  telling Keren that it was positively alive and probably sentient. He values life more than I value knowledge, so I know he wouldn't destroy it. Zan and Muaarga kept Ek'fe from throwing rocks at it while Keren tried to "talk" to it, and I eventually ended up translating, because it was communicating like a plant. At some point, here, Stlian and Dosni showed up. Stlian gave it water, and it seemed to like that. Keren tried to negotiate with it..  tried to reason with it like a sentient or train it like an animal..  but you can't reason with a plant. In the end, we discovered that it had grown following the pattern of a plant, so we convinced it to go back to its dormant state--  sort of like roses in winter. I told it Keren was "Winter" so that it would become dormant, and not act up again while it's in his care. They were already suspicious of each-other, so it worked well. Crisis averted, for now.

   We headed inside, and I stayed behind a minute with Muaarga and Dosni searching for the last broken fragments in the grass. Then went in, made tea, and got my brains out of plant mode. Keren had to go soon, for some kind of duty at Red Sands I guess. Then Zan had to go, to do something with Ek'fe and Nero...  A.K.A  the traitor from Virantis. Kriff, that brought back memories..  Zan wasn't around for those days, but Muaarga and I remembered well. I'm worried that Zan underestimates the fellow..  apperantly he's after Ek'fe, and Zan has a plan to make a deal with him. Just hope he knows what he's doing.

   Speaking of knows what he's doing, Stlian's also on an adventure it seems. An old friend of his has been under-cover, and something went FUBAR so now she's in danger. A friend of hers is giving him missions that will lead to her rescue, but he's operating pretty much in the dark. He's got my sympathy in this case.. reminds me of when Lawrence goes undercover- no communication whatsoever. Operating together at all requires a lot of trust, and precision. I think Stlian can tough it out, though.

   On a lighter note, finally found out who's been...  ehh..  this is gonna' sound weirder than it is....       noogie-ing people. You know..  sneak up, hop out, rub knuckles on head, and disappear. A noogie. I been caught a couple times, and it makes me paranoid as shit, because I keep thinkin' that same person is gonna' jump out and break my neck or something someday...  makes me twitch that I can't sense the danger. Well..  turns out that I can't sense the danger because there is no danger. It's Dosni. Muaarga's padawan. That one..  was a shocker. He always just seemed so quiet. It was weird. It was all just a big joke. Heh..  a prankster.. who knew. Always the ones you least expect, eh?

   Muaarga, Dosni and I stayed up at the garden house a bit longer than the rest. I ended up rambling on for much of that time about Force Alchemy regarding plants. Understanding plants in the force was something I meant to talk to Keren about, after what had happened earlier. I think I had mentioned that, and that's what got us on the subject. Muaarga was interested in it, actually, which pretty much made my day. I don't talk about the alchemy much, and it's not something I practice out in the open..  it's more of a behind the scenes thing that tends to get mentioned in passing when someone sees the end-results of it. He didn't know I was as practiced in it as I am. Truth be told, I was nervous about mentioning it to him much. I know he's got a lot of respect for the Kashyyyk natives, and them him, and stuff like this is part of the reason the Kerritamba wanted me banished. You know..  the whole sinning against nature bit...   Anyway, the alchemy isn't something I particularly meant to hide, just not something I wanted to throw in his face either. But when he told me not to hold anything back from him...   what was it like? It was like a pirate being able to show off his ill-gotten gains..  like a smuggler getting to tour through his best underground getaway route..  like a spy sharing the memories of his favorite covert schemes..  all with smiles on their faces and not a single worry about the boys in white. It's like.. I don't know..  I'm not the one here with the gift of precognition, but I forsee.. knock on wood ..good things in the future here.

*END*


Comments

Entry #93

   He told me everything would be all right, when he said goodbye. He'll be fine. I know he will. Lost mates and children waitin' t' meet him on the other side.. Never havin' t' work no more, or worry no more, or duck the boys in white no more.. Like Keren said, he's earned his rest. Done a lot o' good for a lot o' people *Her voice is breaking, and you can hear a quick shuffle as she swipes a tear* Ashla knows.. I was one of 'em...

   I know.. he'll be fine... but shards, I'm gonna' miss 'im...

   ...and I know I'm not the only one. More than half a dozen volunteered for the rescue op. After a bit of recon, and some crafty slicing, we went in strong and brought the house down. Not a snowflake was left standing when we reached his cell. The one place I couldn't see inside with the force... and now we found out why. When we broke in, this nasty inquisitor jumped out at us. It wasn't long before, as a group, we overpowered him..  but we were still too late.

   He was alive when we found him... but nobody was home. He was in bad shape... a strange.. hollow.. shell. I just remember I kept trying to reach out.. to make sense.. grasping and searching for any spark- any glimmer -of the man I knew.

   Colonel S. Breil'lya.. Servicenumber 2177421-fel-3421..

   That's all.. that's all he would say....

   We rushed him back to camp, and got him in a bacta tank, but there's only so much bacta can heal. It was all a blurr.. I hardly noticed anything outside trying to contact him, and I wasn't the only one trying. I know Keren, at least, was one of them. Just before the end, I felt him. It was like he was right beside me, giving me one last hug goodbye before he took his rest. I.. had always heard.. that when a being becomes one with the force, the body disappears. Never had witnessed such a thing before.. but well... it's true.

   Everyone just seemed in shock. We just stayed there. We had to go.. I mean.. we just wasted an Imperial prison. There were bound to be more troops on the way. Stlian wanted them to come. He wanted to stay behind and waste them all. He wanted revenge. He would have gotten himself killed.. but I don't think he cared.

   I cared.

   I never thought I would ever strike him.. really strike him.. but I couldn't lose him too. Not like that. I attacked him with a maelstorm of lightning, and pulled enough energy out of him to keep him unconcious long enough to drag him back to Casa Verdant. Keren tried to stop me when I passed the camp. Tried to take the crystal.. but I stray from the point.. which is that I ran anyway. Laid him on the couch when we got there, and restored a good amount of his energy. Watched for movement. He'd live. I knew it. He was damaged, but he'd be safe here.

   One by one, others showed up. Keren was first. He brought my staff. I'd left it before. Of course I had to explain what happened. Zan appeared soon after, likely expecting news of a rescue. When he heard what really happened he wished he'd been there to try to help stop it. I'm not sure anyone could have stopped it. Right about here Stlian was drowning himself in gabaki and depression. Zan healed him from my attacks, and blocked the spice. If Father finds out about this he'll want to kill him. Already wants to send him to the zoo. Keren offered to help talk him down, but no, he has enough to worry about.

   Before he passed, Sayon transferred all of his knowledge into Keren. At first I thought it was a freak accident, like maybe Keren tried to use his sight on him to shock him back to his senses, and something went wrong. Of course it was nothing of the sort. Keren was chosen, deliberately, to keep this knowledge. Got the impression he felt it more of a burden than a blessing. What I wouldn't give to have even just a small part of that wonderful gift. He wondered why it was him. Hmmh. Can't his new memories tell him? The rest of us will just have to wonder. Zan theorized that he was the best logical choice because, I quote, "Stlian is batshit, and Nyx is Dying."

   Thankyou, Zan, for being so goddamn delicate. That little quip didn't magnify the already chaotic situation at all. Grief, he's worse than Pockets. At least Pockets is too young to know better. Though I suppose it's my fault ultimately for not being nakedly honest from the start. Now Stlian is even more depressed, and Keren's all hurt that I didn't tell him. What he probably doesn't understand is that I didn't tell anybody. The only people who knew before were Lawrence because he's my husband, and Sayon because he sensed such things as a healer. Dying is also a very crude way to put it, considering it will be years before my energy problems catch up with me. Also, I haven't been entirely dishonest about it- all these years I've been pretty clear about putting on more years than I ought, even if I never did spring the D-word on anyone.

   Anyway, the subject soon passed, though I get the feeling I haven't heard the last of it. Like I said before, he has enough to worry about. He went back home to rest, or to Crimson. Figured it was a good chance to check on Stlian. I couldn't tell if he was really in I-give-no-shits mode, or if he just really wanted to be. Speaking of false give-no-shits, Royth showed up about then. I mean, sure, he wasn't overly touchy when he heard the news, but he didn't need to be. He just proceeded, as always, to remind us of some of the plain truths it's easy to forget when the chaos settles in. I still maintain that in spite of his loner attitude, he's got more heart than most sometimes.

   Just wish he'd take his own advice about asking help. I feel bad. We were so wrapped up in what we had going on, nobody noticed that he'd had a good hole blown in him under his armor. He'd had the empire on his tail for a good few planets. One of them had toasted him with a rocket. It's a good thing that buckethead was a crappy shot, because it could have been a lot worse. Still wasn't pretty, though, and the worst of it was that he didn't even have a chance to patch himself up in between being chased. Zan had already left, so I figured I'd try to help him. From the way he acted, I didn't think it would be as bad as it was- something a few bandages and some herbal remedies could help. When we got to the secret room, it turned out he.. well.. had a hole in him.

   I am not a healer. I'm an alchemist. He'd lost a lot of blood already, and I needed to take more before I could grow what he needed. A small measure of his for pattern, a measure from my stock to build on, and a measure of my own to feed the fire. Cut it pretty close. By the time I grew enough to replace what he lost, he was passed out. His lungs stopped. His heart stopped. I was horrified, thinking I'd killed him, but after a few moments his vitals pumped back up and he came to. We weren't out of the woods yet. He still had a wound that needed closing, and I'd have to grow skin for him, and bind it to him. I offered to put a sleep on him so he didn't have to feel it, but he didn't want it, so I had to reconstruct him concious. I hate doing that. Never before heard that man yell out in pain. Ever. Unsettling, to say the least. After it was finished, he got new bandages on him to soak in some medicine that would help. Then rest.

   Muaarga had been watching the whole time, I think. Was so wrapped up working, I didn't notice when he came in. Turns out he had some scary news with him. Y'see.. I had been given the crystal that houses Sain yesterday. I'd been running from Dasha, and some Enclave men found me in the wilderness. They wanted me alive.. Dasha wanted me dead.. and I was too weak to resist if I'd tried. When their guy came down to search my gear, I spied one of Phnb's bug-cams and et it. The Enclave wants me for some kind of experiments having to do with the force. Never got a chance to start their work. They took me to a holding cell and celebrated my capture by drinking up all my "booze". Oh I'm sorry.. did I say that was booze? I meant poisoned potions, honest. Spat out the bug.. was able to talk to Phnb, who talked to Ash, who talked to Stlian, who rushed in in a blaze of glory and swooped me back to the bunker in Riva Glas. Keren, Muaarga, and Dosni were on their way to help, and I asked Keren to bring the crystal so I could use it to draw energy from. He didn't like the idea, but he did it, and I was able to get what I needed.

   Now..  there was some concern about Sain getting out. Sayon said it couldn't happen, and that there was only one way it could happen, and that required virgin blood and three highly skilled forcers. Muaarga had meditated on this, and he came to tell me that it could be easier than we think for him to get out, with my work I'm often surrounded by strong forcers, and I'm a walking scource of virgin blood. At first I was confused.. I mean.. well..  I'm married..  I have children.. *Ahem* but what he told me made me fling the jewel away like poison.

....

*Nyx pauses, and swipes at something skittering across her collar. She's still a second as she realizes what it is, and a little mechanical buzzing as if from nearby robo-bug-legs can be heard.*

   Eh? ...Ah 'ello there little guy. Gimmie just a sec..

*She pulls the recording closer to mumble into.*

   Gonna' wrap this up for now..  but I'll update here soon, because it's important.

*END*

Comments

Entry #92

   Dasha is alive.. she's after me.. I think I lost her and her... whatever it was..


   I'm injured, and drained of power.. Oneed's training crystal.. is sustaining me and the child now.. It won't last forever.. but it will keep until I can find help..

   I'm lost.. I call for Jewels, but she does not come..


   I must find help.

   I must warn the others without leading them into her clutches.

   I must.. rest...

   ..........

*The record is sent to the databank with the others as it ends.*

*END*

Comments

Entry #91

   So much to report..  I haven't updated this in a long time. Been resting, mostly. Seems I make up for my lack of activity tenfold, though, when you consider the mischeif I've been getting into when I do venture out. If I was a magnet for chaos before, in recent weeks, I'm close to being a black hole. Yet..  I still find myself enjoying it, after the danger has passed.

   Need to be careful, though. Aside from for the obvious reasons, I mean. I'm getting to be off my game. Last time I ventured out, I was caught. Thankfully, I was caught by a friend. Royth has been back for a bit. Oh of all people to catch me...   Why do I get the feeling that he grows new grey hairs every time we meet? Such a rediculous thing it must have seemed, too, finding me stealing gowns from Nabooian noblewomen's bedchambers. Well we ended up locked inside the room. No sooner did I complete my overly-elaborate escape-to-the-lower-room plan..... did my father bust in, kicking the door down, to join the mixing of it up.

   Have I told you about my father yet? My god, that still sounds strange to say...  surreal, almost. I'm pretty sure I'm using that word right. Stiltian Nix, Stlian's uncle, married my mother Lumiia, and raised me as his own in my infanthood before I was kidnapped by Sain, and later hidden by the Alliance in the Corra Complex n Lok. Everyone thought Stiltian was long dead...... until the day our paths crossed in Mos Espa. I was running from a contraband-patroller of all things, and I was too tired to stay shrouded in the force for long. I might have run or hidden when he found me there, but I was weak and worn out, and besides, a queer feeling crept in. Familiarity..  love..  family..   from a stranger? He spoke to me, and while I can't for the life of me remember his exact words, I heard his intentions through his voice as if speaking was a mere formality. It's a queer feeling..  to be a fully grown woman.. and still hear like a child. All this time he'd been looking for me, and while he knows I'm no saint, I get the feeling he still sees the innocent baby I was when he looks at me. He calls himself a crazy old man. Well, heh, maybe he is, but crazy is par for the course. We're all mad here...  I'm not all there myself. I look forward to getting to know him better.

   Seems that trailing me to my heist was his idea of spending quality time, hehe. Can't say it didn't prove to be. And after all..  he did space those guards with that fabled electric judgement. Pretty dramatically, I might add. Heh..  I feel I now know who may have influenced me to favor the theatrical. We picked their pockets afterward..  much to Royth's dismay. Almost felt guilty for that one.. partially because Royth is one of the few who has a nack for making me feel guilty, partially because it felt like we were pushing our luck by sticking around. We filed out of the building, and though some rebel patrolls caught us outside, they recognized Stiltian and Royth, and let us go. Thank goodness they didn't recognise meand change their minds..  but that's another story.

   We got back to Casa Verdant. Hid out. Dropped off the loot. Made tea. Talked with my father a while, about the past.. and finding my mother. It makes me wonder..  there's a lot of galaxy, but what are the chances that she and he would just..  lose touch? It doesn't fit. It makes me worry.. not only even because I might not ever know her, but because I find myself caring.

   I mean..  of course I care. It would be wrong not to, right? Yet it's more complicated than that. Sort of like how it is with my father. How do I even start to explain? In my life, I've adopted this family around me. I've said before that I consider my caregiver Arden a mother..  Master Muaarga a father..  Zan and Keren brothers...  Jordan a sister...  and of course my married family, my husband Lawrence and my children Ash and Pockets...   you get the idea. They were bonds formed through love, and trust, and the true spirit of family. Yet..  now, discovering this new kin, I care for them as family as well. It's almost like when I found my sister.. well half-sister, I've discovered now..  Cesada. I loved her, though I barely knew her. Even still, that was a little different. I had no sister. Now..  it almost seems it's not fair. I don't want the others to feel I'm replacing them. I'm afraid that say if I get closer to my father, or my birth-mother if I ever find her, that say Muaarga or Arden will think I no longer look up to them, or that it's not fair that I should care for Stiltian and Lumiia as I do when I haven't known them for so long. Yet..  I can't help whom I love.

   I know Stiltan loves me, at least, and I can tell that he still loves my mother. I have a feeling we can find her with the help of Zan's Grandfather, but then.. I'm not sure how teh two will get along. As I understand it, they were on oppisite sides of the Clone Wars....  and in the same battle at least once. I can't help but wonder at how that will go.

   Never got a chance to mention that to him, though. Was just about to...  then Royth found my stash. Void..  that was rough. Last time he saw me, before he left, I was flipped out on spice something bad. For him to find that jar of laced gabaki under the couch just brought up all sorts of awful. Not that he was terribly harsh, or even really preachy.. it was worse. He  just seemed angry, but not even rage angry..  that almost betrayed, hurt angry. Now..  to be perfectly clear, I don't take spcie anymore now. Even Gabaki I'm not touching because of the baby. I keep the spice as medicine for others these days. Eventually this was made apperant, and Royth and Stiltian conceded to letting me keep it locked up in the house. Soon after, Stiltian went to bed, and Royth and I talked a while longer until he had to go.

   There's some kriffed up shite going on with his old master. He killed her pretty dead..  but apperantly she's been popping up and raising hell. Actually hurting people. Spirit? Clone? Shadow? He doesn't know how she's doing it..  but it's happening. I don't think he would be mistaken in this respect. It's unsettling, to say the least. I can only imagine how he stays sane with this kind of thought nagging at the back of his head.

   Well..  he did give me a bit of a clue. It turns out these long abscences of his are actually long meditation sessions of some kind. There are times when he does lose control, and then, he goes out on these journeys that can last just a few days..  or a few months.. or weeks....  I don't know, I didn't understand it all at the time, but I guess he just meditates until he gets his head straight again. The closest thing I can identify it with is sorta' like the self-exiles I embark on when I feel myself slipping. But different. He says he'll show me sometime what he means.

   Oh yeah, I did eventually end up having to explain myself about the heist. Seemed to understand well enough why I did it, but still, he'd rather I'd asked him. I..  I dunno, I just don't feel right asking others for help like that. It goes back, way back, and it's hard. It's like I'm wasting too much..  like I'm taking too much..  but it never occured to me that I might be taking more from them by putting myself in danger. I gave him Word of Oath to not be so reckless when my friends and family could just as well take care of me. It reminded me of something Muaarga said, when we were visiting Oneed's library. We were talking about darkness, and what turns one away from it, and he said that to find an anchor helped. My anchor, it seems, has always been the people I care about. My family. Even if I didn't know it. In so many ways, they'd turned me away from darkness or harm without my even realizing it...  that the love gave me enough strength to hold on to my values and do right for them. Well..  here it was again. A friend of mine, turning me away from trouble, and making me realize that maybe there's another side to this caring thing that I didn't even think of before.

   Wound down that night making potions before I took my rest. Sayon wandered in, thinking he was heading to some cantina on Tattooine. Tattooine. Eh...  makes me worry about him lately. Last couple times I seen him, his head's been in the clouds higher than a tabanna gas miner. He says he feels something big coming..  but then he's no prophet. Paranoia is what he chalks it up to. Could be. Then again, you know what they say. It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.

   We talked for a long time that night. One of the things that came up was, of course, Sain. I told him about my problems with energy..  he suggested something that I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole if I didn't trust his expertise on the matter so much. Nothing is more radiant than a soul, he says..  and we have one trapped in a crystal at our command. In essence, he suggested that I use the trapped Sain as a battery- drain energy from the crystal to sustain myself. He assured me that there's absolutely no way he could get out, or corrupt the energy. Well..  there is one way.. but he said it involved, quote, "virgin blood and three skilled forcers". Not..  something that's going to happen. Definitely something that would have to be done deliberately. Apperantly, I am now the one in control. I...  am in control of Sain...    But I ramble. The crystal is in Keren's posession, now, so I will have to ask for it from him.

   I was going to want it anyway. Muaarga and I were going to look into it..  see if we could get information from him. Yet another thing that came up during our study in Oneed's library.

   A fascinating place, by the way, and one I intend to visit often. He has archives left over from the old order, as well as some things he's recovered scince then. Oneed is one of Stiltian's friends. He used to be the head of a grey order, before Stlian took charge of it, and...  ran it into the ground? I'm still fuzzy on the details. But in any case, he's going to help us as well I think. Next time I see him, I have to tell him about the White Thunder network and see if he's interested. His knowledge and experience combined with our own knowledge could work well for both of us.

   There's also a book there, Muaarga showed me. About Vapaad. Anotehr thing I have to learn more about. Zan had mentioned Vapaad in the past, but our records were incomplete. Muaarga, it seems, has experience with it too. A lot of experience. I never knew it before, but he was almost fallen once, too, and practicing Vapaad taught him to channel the darkness into something positive, and saved him. He says the same thing will work for me. It's something we'll have to work on... 

   ...but for now, rest. I'm venturing out in the morining. Have to be ready. Hopefully I'll be more on my game this time around.


*END*


Comments

Entry #90

   My son...   I almost have no words. He put his poor uncles through hell chasing him all over Espa. Turns out he swiped a blaster from Zan's shop, and made off
with it. When Zan tred to retrieve it, chaos ensued, and soon he called in Stlian..  then Keren..  and Ek'fe..  and some triggerhappy doshan. Hearing about the exploits of my slippery little vesp-child brings tears of joy to my eye, heheh, but I suppose motherly pride aside we do have to punish him. He'll be paying off damages for a while now..

   I think he traumatized Zan and Stlian, though. Stlian nearly drowned himself in Gabaki.. Zan part-took too, and when he found out why I wouldn't touch any.............   he got down on his knees and prayed to Ashla that the child would be a girl. Heh, yess...  all this insanity, and another one on the way. Am I worried? Naturally. My body can hardly sustain itself. I'll need to seek out more energy than ever to fight back the force-corruption and care for the child. With Sain's presence controlled now..  *She pauses a moment as if composing herself, as she remembers just how she was pushed to control him, and just what ended up being at stake.*

*END*

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Entry #89

   I don't want to talk about it.

   It's important, but I don't want to talk about it now. I don't even remember everything..  but I remember enough to know that my worst fears regarding Messy were well-founded. Not through fault of his..  but through fault of mine. In some ways.. a lot of ways..  he accomplished his mission. I'll always remember that. I just wish..  I could have saved him...

*END*

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Entry #88

This file does not appear on the audiolog, but the events recorded are available to anyone who ICly witnessed them on the roof of the Theater in Libria.

"Those kriffin enclave gone, yet?"

"Area secure, ma'am."

The twi'lek woman tumbled down out of the hall, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. The ex-501st soldier guarding the door turned to help her up, as she tried to scramble back to her feet. She awkwardly accepted his aide, wondering if she'll ever get used to being served and protected.

"Eh.. thanks. Hey, Messy, this isn't an order or nothin', but I figure I'm gonna' go up on the roof and take my meditations before I loose my mind. Now... if you wanna' come along, go for it, but you don't... have... to follow me."

"It is my duty to follow you, Master Turncoat! Your superior being demands my--"

"Wha- no... no demands or anything.. just.."

She stops trying to argue, and simply nods and heads toward the stair suppressing a sigh. The trooper trails her close, as they climb up to the roof, intent on standing guard. The twi'lek sits down, lighting a small portion of smoldering grey gabaki inscence, and inhaling deeply. As she settles back, listening to the steady marching of the clone's continued patrol, Keren's words of warning come floating back to her.

"Clones aren't like other people, Nyx. They are programmed to kill, and to follow orders without question."

Hm. Well... that much was clear... but there had to be something more. He's more than a living droid. He has free will, thinks creatively, and most of all strongly recognizes morality. Yet as he says himself, his perception is limited, and he will follow his orders no matter what he percieves. Then again.. no.. that's not right either. There have been subtle things, she thought, that he would do agaist his "command" to do, and one time when he outright fought his programming to keep from killing her by Order 66. It is possible to fight his programming. He can do it. He has done it.

"...but only when he was protecting me."

Clack clack! The trooper stops and holds his carbine ready, looking around.

"Who's there!?"

"Relax.. nobody's here. Heh-hehh.. Just thinkin'. At ease, soldier.."

Comments

Entry #87

   There's too much to take in now... I tricked myself into sleep, but that was wrong. It's my mind that needs rest moreso than my body. It's my curse to never have peaceful rest in both at the same time. I still need to be alone... ish. I need to talk this out, and I'm not prepared to talk to anyone else yet.

   Stlian and I... we persued my mother's medical records from my birth on Corellia. He helped me break into the hospital and hack the terminal with an ID I found. He found her. He also found that the doctor who delivered me was Sain, and that he had reported that I died the day I was born. I instantly remembered Zan's words...  Sain has had me for a long time...  It makes sense now. I'm sorry to say, my emotions blinded me. My first thought was betrayal. He knew all along... just like the alliance, he withheld the story from me. Why? I didn't care at the time. I was overcome. I blacked out.

   I wake up confused... disoriented... in a strange place. I realize Stlian is there. He saved me. Jumped out the window with me while I was too blinded in my rage to focus.. to think.. or even to maintain my shroud. I could have gotten us both killed had he not acted quickly. I failed him.

   Yet... there was still more road to cover. He found, listed as my mother's sole contact, the name of his uncle. Stiltian Nix. We didn't understand how they could have been connected. Then.. he suggested we dig up the old complex. Well..  he's an archaeoligist.. it's what he does. I was surprised that wasn't the first thing he'd have looked for, yet now, I suppose he was afraid of what he might find. Nevertheless, we set out. Started at Libria, and wandered the outlying areas until... there it was, hiding in plain sight. It was an old, dilapidated bunker. Where it was once surrounded by trees and wilds, a cheap housing development had been built around it. The door did not take much to force, and we made our way through the dusty, abandoned rooms, and down a service laddar, until we found a single terminal that by some miracle is still running. He lent me his sight so that I could search the terminal, and we found no end of personal family records. One such file was a communications log for a message system once used by Lumiia and Stiltian- my mother and his uncle. It became apperant that they were close. Very close. Married. His uncle is my stepfather. Stlian and I are cousins.

   It wasn't long after we discovered the happy news that we unveiled a darker truth. I was stolen, not given up. The records are fuzzy.. but at this time it seems that at the same time Stlian's parents went missing, and Stlian and Falcun as well. So they split their search. Stiltian went after the boys, and Lumiia went after me. Not much data past this point. It was surreal. To see these... records. To spy on these people and process who they were. To all at once discover that I have a past.. a place.. origins in this family that didn't abandon me, but loved me, and had me stolen from them...  Then knowing that one of this family was right beside me...

   ...and once again, pulling me back into reality. There was Keren. There was Messy. They were fighting. It was all a blur, as all I could think of was the fear that here three of my friends and protectors were about to kill each other off in front of my eyes. And for what? A misunderstanding.. a false perception of threat caused by my presence. I snapped. I was hardest on Messy, I'm afraid, and blamed him for more than I should have simply because I am not as close to him as I am Stlian and Keren. Moreso because I knew he would not reproach me. It wasn't fair... it was abuse. I controlled myself poorly. Chaos. As the situation quiets, I realize Stlian has been shot in the shoulder. He soon goes to sleep to repair himself, I aide the best I can and let him be. Keren needs to talk to me privately. There was no nice way to get rid of Messy, and so I fell to a less nice way. I note that he and Keren don't play well together.

   Keren needs help... because Xanthya needs help. Their romantic relationship seems to be in that in-between I feared, yet there is another layer to the problem. She is experimenting, now, with the dark side. Such is dangerous on its own, but a Zeltron's acute sensitivity to emotion makes it even more unstable of a situation. I don't know how far gone she is, but I intend to find out, later, when my judgement is better. He described so much..  but it was all typical of an outsider's veiw of a fall. This is something I have to see for myself before I can pass judgement. I wish I could say as much for the romantic aspect of the situation, but I'm afraid I'm already biased. I do not like seeing my friends hurt. She has the power to hurt him badly.. and when her moods change, and her minds change, and she can't handle this or that or whatever thing trips the switch...  but oh she still loves him anyway! ...it tends to kriff with the mind. A transient nature is hard to reconcile with a steady one.. especially when there is that certain intensity involved that I see in Keren. He says she's different, and though he was the one hurt, he is quicker to forgive than I. I...  would have some choice words to share, but to do so would be counter-productive, considering that I would bring Keren greif with it. So I let it go, for now..  though my eye is trained to the heavens, so to speak, for any coming storm.

   Keren soon took his leave, but the day wasn't over. Messy. Again. Throughout the conversation with Keren, he was overly suspicious. Kept..  leaping into action at any sign of perceived threat. Called Keren a deciever.. a spy.. an inquisitor.. The tensions toyed with my already strained attempts at self-control, and I'm sorry to say I didn't do right by him in my frustration. When he finally stayed put in the other-room, after a time, I heard an explosion. I hit the dirt of course..  but as I was coming up off the floor, and realized that it was coming from the room he was in, my first thought was that he was killed. That wasn't the case. It was only a small explosion that knocked him unconcious for about a minute. I found myself relieved and irritated. Then..  I stopped thinking of myself. My eyes were opened to what was standing before me. He was actually hurt because he thought he had failed in his duty, and it was because I had been so cruel that he believed this. I was reminded of his humanity. Heh. I was also reminded of the beautiful botanical sample he called a "get-well present", which I'd overlooked before when he came in guns a-blazing. The herbs were not healing ones, but the gesture was nice. I thanked him..  apologized..  then felt sleep start to take me down. I anchored myself to a beam, and asked him not to check on me, but it was unavoidable. He caught me in the middle of an attack. I don't know if he remained there or not, but I asked him again to not watch, and tried to focus it all inside my mind and get it overwith without any visual sign. I fear what he will do with a tangible threat which he percieves...  but moreso I fear what may be done about this. This time he tried to shoot the shadows with his blaster. So...   I look forward to dealing with this in the morning.


*END*

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Entry #86

This file does not appear on the audiolog, but is available ICly as rumor among Alliance personell, and record among some of the higher-ups.

In an Alliance office, in an undisclosed location, Jerard Blaaq sits behind his desk, grimly reviewing a datapad. Court matialed. Stripped of rank. Dishonorably discharged. And for what? Being a responsable handler for that beast-woman experiment of that inquisitor's. He stashes the datapad in the desk drawer with an irritated grunt.

Before he can look up again, the high-pitched click and hum of a small issued pistol charging up for a shot cuts through the air. He finds himself staring down the barrel. Behind the weapon is a small woman decked out in makeshift combat gear, and a dark helmet with a bone-mask concealing her face. Her sightless eyes seem to peer out above the mask, cold emerald green, streaked and cracked with yellow veins.

"Consider this my resignation."

The man starts in his seat, half-standing behind the desk.

"Speak of the devil. You don't really want to kill me, Nyx-Warda.. not like this. I know there are so many more.. subtle.. means you could utilize if you did. You always were a fan of the underhanded."

"Maybe there are. Maybe I want the alliance to know who's hurting it...  no...  who's hurting you."

"Hurting me? What more could you want? You've taken my life already. You and your new..  handler.. have turned the alliance against me. You've taken my power. You've taken my honor. You've taken my work. Take the shell then, schutta."

The alarms sound begin to sound, and boots tramp through the halls. The lights of the siren flash red across the room.

"You'd like that wouldn't you. You'd like to prove your own sick little monster story right."

"What the hell...  what does this mean? What could you possibly be after?"

"Your legacy."

The rebel troopers bust through the door, pointing carbines at the woman. She turns her own gun on the light that hangs overhead, firing, so that it bursts into a flash and a shower of sparks. Only the blazing red light of the screaming sirens streaks through the room, as the troopers sheild their eyes, and dodge the sparks and shrapnel. With the shattering of a glass bottle, the room fills with a misty grey smokescreen. Blaster-shots are fired where the woman once stood, but as the smoke clears, it's apperant she's dissapeared without a trace.

Jerard slams his fist on the desk, gritting his teeth. The damned fool got away this time... but she's got one less ally in the galaxy today. That woman..  his folly.. can't outrun her fate forever. It's only a matter of time now, he tells himself. It's only a matter of time.

Comments

Entry #85

   I can't believe I swamped The Flying Karma... I mean I can. It happened. Just.. egh. It's one o' those cherry-on-top deals. It all just piles up.

   Stlian is in trouble. His brother's after him. Worried about what he might do. I doubt blackmailing Falcun will go terribly far, but it's buying us some time. I don't like being at odds with a man who's saved my life, but when it comes down to it, my loyalties lie with Stlian above him. If it does come to that... well I hope it won't. For now, I've informed Stlian of the situation, and we've discussed a few.. options. The path we're taking now- rest. Wait. Sort things out, and then act. At first he was furious... but he's scince settled into thinking things over, and resting his head for now.

   Keren is in trouble. That Xanthya woman wants him. She broke his heart before, and I don't know, but I think he still loves her. I don't trust her. Love is strong, and precious, and should be respected. Not thrown away or strung along.... and most certainly not teased. I admit I don't know her. I only know how Keren feels about her. I only know the joy her love gave him... the fear he had of losing her... the devistation he felt after she was gone. Now, just when he is moving on, she is swooping back into his life like the second act of some fucked up Rodian Ballet. I like Keren, but bless his soul, he's a sucker. There are many ways in which this could not end well.

   Respar may or may not be in trouble. He's flirting with it. Retired my patook. Ha! Need to send him some updated coordinates to some places where we can meet and talk shop. I'm no Caelorn, but I'm capable. Whatever guidance his master gave him may be coupled with the knowledge I can give him. I fear I may upset his balance, but then, how else will he grow? ...and clearly he wants and needs to grow. I trust he will use his better judgement, and remember Caelorn's teachings, to keep his sense of balance intact.

   I am in trouble. Or going to be. Keren brought me my Alliance File. They withheld so much information from me...  They knew of my mother. They knew of Sain and S.O.D. They knew where I was born. Exactly where? It didn't say...  but somehow I was born on Corellia. My parents were Alderaanian...  weren't they? As I was reading, both were speaking to me..  I must ask later what they were saying..  but my mind was focused on something else. Betrayal. Confirmed suspicions. New information I didn't dare think of. Finally..  realizing just what I am to the alliance. There are several things that seperate us from them. This was..  wrong... and left unchecked it will fade into obscurity. I do not plan to let that happen.

*END*


Comments

Entry #84

   *Just plain worn out, and droning into the recorder, the voice sedately rambles on. One sentence seems to run into the other, and occasionally, you might swear you'd heard the even marching of armored boots on the ground.*

   How bad is it when kark made more sense in the zombie hole? Should I take it from the top, now? Out of the flower-hole, I go to work at the garden house.. sorta check on it.. fortify it against whatever funky New Doros voodoo created the zombies. My work attracted a rather arrogant Doshan who at first attempted to attack and interrogate, until Stlian showed up and tried to....  eat him? He needed energy. Badly. Bit the lizard in the neck like a vampire and drained him weak. Gave me a chance to punk him with my house, and he surrendered. Pacified for now, but he'll be back. Not sure about this one. Healed Stlian's thirst for energy, though.

   Stlian. He knew something about where those undead came from. Was part of the team that dug up New Doros. I would have asked more, but... nah... he was in pretty bad shape. Coming down from a bad rage. He needed rest more than anything. Rest.. energy.. a friend who has his back.. He has me, but I am not enough, and I know. I have no gift of empathy. In fact.. I often find myself turning to Ashla for such insights, young as she is. She asks about Stlian. I know she would like to be his friend, but he's afraid to see her. I tried convincing him to visit.. he says he will. I think it will be good for both of them.

   Few days later, had to keep my appointment with that shrink the sullustian hooked me up with. Eleyenora Roseward. That just sounds pretty... Heh. ...but I know better than to trust beauty anymore. I like her, though. Gotta' watch her, but yeah, she pegged me pretty good on a couple points. Has some file on me... need to know more about that...  gotta talk to Plo...  Eh. Anyway, I'm going back. See where that goes.

   Leaving the office, she mentioned some trouble in town square or whatevertha'kriff. Of course I had to see that, but I was late to the party and the troopers were already cleaning up. There I met Messy. Ex 501st clone trooper. A good man who was forced by his programming to do horrible things..  and it's given him flower. I fear I might have tripped some old programming through my connections to Secura....  or he is embarking on a sort of mission of redemption...  or he thinks my powers make me a jedi like the ones he idolized in Republic days... or....  I still can't comprehend why, but he tells me I'm his master now.. that he serves me. I worry for this for so many reasons. The most outstanding: I don't want to abuse it. I know I can't live up to this impossible standard. I fear what will happen when he finds this out himself.

   For the present, though, I worry about his mind's recovery. I tried to help him with some of his memories by trying to guide him through them in his mind. Things went.. badly. Thank the force Zan was there as anchor, and pulled us both out before losing our minds completely. It was the first time I failed in guiding another through his mind. It was also the first time I looked into a programmed mind. Except my own, which I can also not cure. It's all connected somehow... and I get the feeling it's all right in front of me... but I can't seem to make the shards fall into place. Meanwhile, he hasn't spoken. I don't know if he's aware or not, because my mind is to burnt out to see. I think Sayon was here, but it's all such a blurr.. gotta' call him and find out.

   Speaking of gotta call... met an outcast witch up around where I used to live. Need to seek her out when we recover. That will be interesting. Gotta' remember to avoid the locals, though, or things could get hairier than her adorable giant spider.

   So yeah. Strange times. Strange even for my standards. May the force be with us all...


*END*

Comments

Entry #83

   It wasn't so much worrying that they would get themselves killed... it was worrying that they would kill each other. When Zan went in after the comm. chatter I had to go in with him, in spite of warnings and even threats to stay away. Away from what? Hordes of undead. I sparkles you not. In the middle, a group of survivors holed up in an imperial base. Once inside, I found something entirely different from what I expected. Survivors of all factions had formed a temporary alliance to fight the undead.

   United agaist a common enemy. Pretty freakin' beautiful, some thought. The illusion was tempting to buy, but I knew when it was all over half these people would want to blow the other half's heads off anyway. "The only way Rebels and Imperials would work together is to fight back **Hades itself" one... I think Enclave? ...trooper said.

   The Enclave. Heh. Now there's a kriff of a faction. Their president promises them the stars themselves if they should rally against a common enemy.... namely, any nonhuman. Maybe it would work. Or maybe, at the end of the day, they'll still want to remove each other's heads from their bodies. All I know is One- They're too karking outnumbered to stand a chance Two- I... don't have... stingers......

*END*

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Entry #82

   Taking some time to update. Okay no I'm not. This one will just be a quickie, because there's too much to report. I'm off Dathomir. Zan has... settled down. The children are beginning their training. There are a few new jokers to add to our deranged sabaac deck.

   Not the least notable of which, the sullustian PI, whom I have the sneaking suspicion is still kind of stalking me, though he's technically off the case. Wants me to see a shrink. Ha. He's the first to suggest it that had the dangleberries to tell me so to my face. When the Alliance brought me in for my psych exam back in the day, they treated it like they were taking a wild narglatch to the vet. Knock 'er out, let 'er wake up in a mockingly cheerful little room, strapped to a couch. Apperantly I was a high-risk patient... I assume. That can't be standard procedure, heh. Ugh..  I can't think about that right now. I'll start askin' myself questions that'll lead to no good unless I've got the means to answer them. Ha! maybe I do need a shrink.

*END*

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Entry #81

   I want to believe it was sincere, but then, I'm no fool. He's tried before to take me in by pretending forgiveness.. apology.. but that was just a maneuvre to gain the upper-hand against me. He was by no means off his game tonight, playing off my weakness to Gabaki, trying to lure me from my hiding place. When that didn't work he placed a cryoban charge. I did break out and run then, even though he said after the fact that he would never have detonated it. I almost believed him. I almost followed him back. At least there's one thing he made good on at the end; he said if I ran, he wouldn't stop me. I left him my amulet, so he knows it was me. I figure whatever he said, he thought he was saying to me anyway, so that much doesn't change.

   Besides, I remembered his minion was probably still following me out there somewhere. Heh. Remember that sullustian Phhflllpppubbbmmmppppuh....  Plo..    the private investigator guy? He followed me. I shit you not, he followed me all the kriffin' way to Dathomir, and through the wilds of it, and past the rancors and the witches and the spiders....  ON FOOT! Great Bantha..  he's still a noob, but he's a noob who's earned a certain degree of respect in my book. Still..  now that I know he's here, I sorta feel like I gotta' give him an out, scince I plan to be hanging around. I turned tail back to the Trade Outpost, set his comm. batteries and a few credits on one o' the crates, and told him that wherever he is, this is his chance to get the kriff off this planet. I haven't met up with him scince.

*Her voice drops especially low, as she's still paranoid that someone with big ears might be following her.*

   I've contacted Keren, or rather he's contacted me, and we met up near this stone circle pyre. Talked over the comm. in the ship, about how he's been. Diana, brace yourself, was actually nice to him, and I guess they had a polite conversation and a certain understanding. So that...   happened. I'm not surprised he's a little uneasy about it. On top of beong worried about her, he also has reason to be worried because of her. She and that charming mandoess he was gonna' take the fall for are apperantly at odds. He doesn't want to choose between them, but hell, I'm not sure he has much of a choice. It's one of those things where he feels they both need his help, but he won't tak into account the inequalities of the situation--  he refuses to consider that one may be more deserving of his help than the other. If you ask me, he's already chosen sides when he would be willing to die by one's hand for the sake of the other.

*She pushes back the mic with a groan, and leans back, clearing her throat.*

   He ended up asking how I was doing, and then that's when we met up, and I told him about the whole situation. He says he's going to try to talk sense to Zan. I say...  well, I can't say anything is impossible with him, or believe it much if I can manage to spit out the words. I can't help but think that he feels my reaction is extreme, too. Maybe it is. There was a time when I would have described myself as more curious than cautious, but now I fear I'm becoming paranoid. I just know that if I go back..  and screw up.. and Zan follows through with what he said, that things could escalate beyond repair. I know how it will play out, too. He'll wait until I am in the wrong, and he will deal with the situation overzealously, and then, the rest of the family will be chosing one side or the other. The way I see it, I'm nipping the chaos in the bud by putting some distance between myself and him. If that means I have to steal his untrackable mining vessal, and hide out on a planet where civilization consists of eternally warring clans of witches, and technology is an endangered species, well...  so be it.

*END*

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