I.. long.. complicated week. Week? Has it been a week? Days. Right? It's my spacer's clock.. I don't know how to tell the time.
*There's clear frustration in the woman's voice, as she struggles to put her thoughts into words. She has to take a long pause before she can collect her thoughts.*
I know when I'm not making sense. My talking doesn't work right now because I'm tired, and because after a while it's hard to get it to work. It's like when my old datapad runs out of juice, and doesn't work right until I charge it. I need to charge my head? I meditated earlier to charge my head, and I could speak better afterward, but I still had to think first. My favorite words now: Complicated. I'll explain later. First blank, then blank. Diffuse with joke. Hover away to buy time before more talking. I don't think Oretto noticed my flailing about, or maybe he did. It was hard. He was full of questions this time. Serious questions, too. Ark... We've both had dreams about him. Nightmares. As if more nightmares are needed. Rrrr. I wish Lawrence would make exception and let me swear. It's the principle for him- listen to your teacher -so he doesn't budge. Not that I blame him.. just..
*She stops again, realising she's gone off track. After a few moments, she starts over, trying to tell her story from the beginning.*
There was a mission. It was a distress call. They were on Yavin? No. Endor. They were in a crashed pod. A boy and an ensign.. something.. Winter? White? Grrr.. *She pauses again before she continues.* They were trapped in the pod, and ...Wefi? ...Tamar? They were already there. They pried it open, I tried to help, Wefi did something with his speeder that made it work after the tenth time. It turns out there were more people. A whole transport. I still don't know the whole story.. and.. *She takes a sharp breath in as her thoughts run ahead of her. She shuts herself up as soon as she notices it, then continues.* First Wefi and I followed the boy to try to save his father while.. Tamar.. and some others.. they went to.. help the rest. The transport had crashed, and the father was inside. There were droids everywhere. Wefi fought through them, but I snuck past, feeling the man's life-force fading. It was still too late.. the boy was heartbroken. As Wefi buried the body in a makeshift grave, I took the kid to the Med Center to get him checked out, and left him in their care while I went to meet the others.
When I arrived, I learned it was a hostage.. situation. I.. the man.. there was something else there watching us all, and we could all feel it. The man was carrying a bomb. He said we were all being watched. Negotiations.. were.. I had little faith in negotiations.. it lead me to a terrible mistake.. *The mocrophone is promptly muffled in a nearby cushion for a few minutes. When she continues, her voice starts off shakey.* I tried to sneak past, like I snuck past the droids, but I tripped something.. I blacked out. The next thing I was aware of.. I was in a tank with busted limbs, and crumpled lekku, and I overheard them talking about the incident. I.. had killed them all. I tripped a bomb, and none of the hostages survived. I heard someone who knew my name.. say that I should be left to hobble on my hands for my carelessness. I.. don't.. exactly disagree. That was the last thing I heard before someone tapped at the terminal to my tank, and I blacked out again.
*Another long pause follows. That seems to be a theme to this recording. After thinking, she continues.*
Soon the dreams came. The familiar nightmare-presence dominated my first dreams. It showed me vivdly what I'd done. Over and over again. I could hear the voices from the outside, sedated but semi-aware. I couldn't comprehend, but what I did hear was twisted by the presence. It taunted.. it tempted.. it was up to its old tricks, I knew, but I also knew that this time there was a grain of truth to what it said. I had... have.. done wrong. I couldn't ignore it, or tell it off, and it wasn't until Jaelon appeared in one of these visions, and told it off for me, that I had some peace from it. Jaelon.. I am.. not sure.. if he knows what happened.. yet. Had he known, would he have sided with me? That last thought is pronounced clearly and coherantly, almost as if she's reciting it from something she's heard. The thought is not her own, it seems, but something that has been suggested to her. There's a rustling as she shakes it out of her head, moving on.* Then, silence, for a while. Then.. dreams of Ark storming the White Thunder complex.
Then.. waking up.. finding that the tanks had been drained, and I could no longer move my legs without pain. Lawrence was there, worried. I hate the worry. I don't doubt they've told him everything. He had brought a hover-device that I can sit on.. I tried to walk, to prove I could, to keep away the worry, but I.. just couldn't. It was impossible. My left arm.. is to be left in a brace. My right is somewhat free, though it should be in some kind of brace. My lekku.. bound.. until they heal. Damaged. I think.. it's why something's missing.. why I'm malfunctioning. I... My... Useless, I am useless now. I can barely... my thoughts I can barely communicate what I mean without forming a sentance first, silently. Then.. it's still hard.. without meditation. My body is useless- I cannot fight like this... with my staff.. or saber.. Even I cannot go home and... when I came home.. the twins were afraid of me. That... hurt the most.
My time.. I have stayed in the Meditation chamber and the Sanctuary.. and spent my time there. I talked with Lawrence, talking about nothing, each pretending to the other to be... natural? Happy? Our... our careless? No. ...not worry as much so the other wouldn't worry as much. It's like when I smile and laugh to Ashla so her empathy doesn't make her cry. After, I was going to the temple again, and then Oretto like I said earlier. He had rescued his daughter, thank the force. Elfed? Dwarfed. Dwarfed in comparison, he gave back my things Ark took before, also. Also, he hadn't seen the whole base.. so.. more questions. My favorite answer was I'll explain later. How many times can I explain later? And more questions until Rose cried, and he had to help her. I escaped. Meditated. Felt bad I had to, but didn't want to explain. I'll explain later.
*END*
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*There's clear frustration in the woman's voice, as she struggles to put her thoughts into words. She has to take a long pause before she can collect her thoughts.*
I know when I'm not making sense. My talking doesn't work right now because I'm tired, and because after a while it's hard to get it to work. It's like when my old datapad runs out of juice, and doesn't work right until I charge it. I need to charge my head? I meditated earlier to charge my head, and I could speak better afterward, but I still had to think first. My favorite words now: Complicated. I'll explain later. First blank, then blank. Diffuse with joke. Hover away to buy time before more talking. I don't think Oretto noticed my flailing about, or maybe he did. It was hard. He was full of questions this time. Serious questions, too. Ark... We've both had dreams about him. Nightmares. As if more nightmares are needed. Rrrr. I wish Lawrence would make exception and let me swear. It's the principle for him- listen to your teacher -so he doesn't budge. Not that I blame him.. just..
*She stops again, realising she's gone off track. After a few moments, she starts over, trying to tell her story from the beginning.*
There was a mission. It was a distress call. They were on Yavin? No. Endor. They were in a crashed pod. A boy and an ensign.. something.. Winter? White? Grrr.. *She pauses again before she continues.* They were trapped in the pod, and ...Wefi? ...Tamar? They were already there. They pried it open, I tried to help, Wefi did something with his speeder that made it work after the tenth time. It turns out there were more people. A whole transport. I still don't know the whole story.. and.. *She takes a sharp breath in as her thoughts run ahead of her. She shuts herself up as soon as she notices it, then continues.* First Wefi and I followed the boy to try to save his father while.. Tamar.. and some others.. they went to.. help the rest. The transport had crashed, and the father was inside. There were droids everywhere. Wefi fought through them, but I snuck past, feeling the man's life-force fading. It was still too late.. the boy was heartbroken. As Wefi buried the body in a makeshift grave, I took the kid to the Med Center to get him checked out, and left him in their care while I went to meet the others.
When I arrived, I learned it was a hostage.. situation. I.. the man.. there was something else there watching us all, and we could all feel it. The man was carrying a bomb. He said we were all being watched. Negotiations.. were.. I had little faith in negotiations.. it lead me to a terrible mistake.. *The mocrophone is promptly muffled in a nearby cushion for a few minutes. When she continues, her voice starts off shakey.* I tried to sneak past, like I snuck past the droids, but I tripped something.. I blacked out. The next thing I was aware of.. I was in a tank with busted limbs, and crumpled lekku, and I overheard them talking about the incident. I.. had killed them all. I tripped a bomb, and none of the hostages survived. I heard someone who knew my name.. say that I should be left to hobble on my hands for my carelessness. I.. don't.. exactly disagree. That was the last thing I heard before someone tapped at the terminal to my tank, and I blacked out again.
*Another long pause follows. That seems to be a theme to this recording. After thinking, she continues.*
Soon the dreams came. The familiar nightmare-presence dominated my first dreams. It showed me vivdly what I'd done. Over and over again. I could hear the voices from the outside, sedated but semi-aware. I couldn't comprehend, but what I did hear was twisted by the presence. It taunted.. it tempted.. it was up to its old tricks, I knew, but I also knew that this time there was a grain of truth to what it said. I had... have.. done wrong. I couldn't ignore it, or tell it off, and it wasn't until Jaelon appeared in one of these visions, and told it off for me, that I had some peace from it. Jaelon.. I am.. not sure.. if he knows what happened.. yet. Had he known, would he have sided with me? That last thought is pronounced clearly and coherantly, almost as if she's reciting it from something she's heard. The thought is not her own, it seems, but something that has been suggested to her. There's a rustling as she shakes it out of her head, moving on.* Then, silence, for a while. Then.. dreams of Ark storming the White Thunder complex.
Then.. waking up.. finding that the tanks had been drained, and I could no longer move my legs without pain. Lawrence was there, worried. I hate the worry. I don't doubt they've told him everything. He had brought a hover-device that I can sit on.. I tried to walk, to prove I could, to keep away the worry, but I.. just couldn't. It was impossible. My left arm.. is to be left in a brace. My right is somewhat free, though it should be in some kind of brace. My lekku.. bound.. until they heal. Damaged. I think.. it's why something's missing.. why I'm malfunctioning. I... My... Useless, I am useless now. I can barely... my thoughts I can barely communicate what I mean without forming a sentance first, silently. Then.. it's still hard.. without meditation. My body is useless- I cannot fight like this... with my staff.. or saber.. Even I cannot go home and... when I came home.. the twins were afraid of me. That... hurt the most.
My time.. I have stayed in the Meditation chamber and the Sanctuary.. and spent my time there. I talked with Lawrence, talking about nothing, each pretending to the other to be... natural? Happy? Our... our careless? No. ...not worry as much so the other wouldn't worry as much. It's like when I smile and laugh to Ashla so her empathy doesn't make her cry. After, I was going to the temple again, and then Oretto like I said earlier. He had rescued his daughter, thank the force. Elfed? Dwarfed. Dwarfed in comparison, he gave back my things Ark took before, also. Also, he hadn't seen the whole base.. so.. more questions. My favorite answer was I'll explain later. How many times can I explain later? And more questions until Rose cried, and he had to help her. I escaped. Meditated. Felt bad I had to, but didn't want to explain. I'll explain later.
*END*
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