*Her voice is tired, and she clears her throat at odd intervals, as if she's coughing out sand*
Betrayed.
Zan has always been protective of me- so much so that often he's taken extreme measures. This time, he's stepped over the line. Threatening to take the children without Lawrence's consent if I fall beyond Gabaki.. No. You do not go against the family. If Lawrence was to deny me the right to see them, because of something I've done, it would be different. ...but you do not take the children from their father, because of some crusade against me. Even if he was bluffing- he had bluffed earlier saying that Lawrence was keeping them from me, but that turned out to not be true -that is one thing you do not kriff around with.
He tried to feed me this whole sermon on why I couldn't be trusted. Based on complete fallacy. He thinks Gabaki led me to take his FlashBang. Let's recap. For months, I take gabaki to calm my mind before I sleep, for fear of nightmares. One day, he decides to engineer this new spice to fund some horrible kriff-up he made with his company so he doesn't have to lay off a bunch of workers. He has me sell the shit to keep his name clear. I swore off having anything to do with hard spice long ago, but like an idiot, I decided to help him and trust that his cause was just. Midway into the adventure, we move his lab to his ship-- which, by the way, he tried to push some kind of sweetblossum on me when we were up there --rebreathers malfunction, I inhale the flash, and get hooked. We wake up after having blacked out, the ship is gone. Gone. Crashed somewhere, and we can't find it. Next week is kind of a blur.. but once Jaelon found out about the Flash, he warned me to nip it in the bud. I was getting off the shit, going through withdrawls and crap, but I took just one more hair of the dog that bit me so I could follow through answering Royth's distress signal. All hell broke loose when I got back, so please refer back a few logs ago. Later, I give p teh rest of the spice money only to find that the debt to his workers was paid long ago, and the credits are being used tp keep his wife and mistresses in fine Nightsister silks. Anyway... follow me here? Gabaki didn't lead me to flash. Flash led to flash.
Zan's been overzealous in keeping me from anything and everything, including the Gabaki I take medicinally. I did turn back to Gabaki one night. I had been awake for days.. I met this woman at the cantina.. things happened. That sullustian that's been tailing me ratted me out to Zan- apperantly Zan hired him to follow me. After some hullabaloo, I was led to believe that he would lay off me for the gabaki. Then earlier today I get this call, he tries to force me to piss in this cup. No, literally force me. He wasn't going to let me leave. He tried to bluff me, saying that my kids were taken away. Pulled a blaster on me.. He sic'd his wife on me! ....and she's fucking vicious! Like one of them little Jaxxes that's all sweet and then RRAAWWR! what the KRIFF man!?
How quickly he forgets when our roles were reversed. Back in the day, he used to be into spice himself. For a while there it was bad. Pixie.. booster blue.. the works. I can't count the number of times I've had to talk him down to keep him from flipping out over one thing or another, nor can I count the number of times I've cleared out his stash when it got hairy, nor the number of talks we'd had when he was sober, and trying to rationalize one spice or another to me so I wouldn't smash it if I found it. He says he got off the spice himself. That it was his decision. Of course the final decision was his.. just as the final decision is and will be mine.. Any junkie with the will to get his spice will obtain his spice or die trying. It's the will that has to be changed.. guided.. because free will can not be forced.
I understand that he feels I lack this willpower. Maybe direct force is the only way he knows how to operate. I can tolerate a certain amount of force being used on me in the name of protection, but there are some lines that should not be crossed. I've gone, now, to take refuge in the last place anyone would think to look for me.
I've taken his ship, too- it was sold to me by a toydarian who found it by chance. He can't track it, or else he would have found it himself by now. I'll use this ship to travel coreward when it's necessary. Flying it is... terrifying. I must operate purely by instinct- guided by the hand of the force, my life at its mercy. Not more than a day ago, I was trying to explain to Stlian why I couldn't trust in the force, because I'd strayed from the natural order of it-- if this isn't a kark of a metaphor, I don't know what is. I wonder what he will notice of my abscence..
I also have to worry for Keren. I've given him charge of my faithful droid servant, Baen; a message that should be reaching him shortly. However, I fear he's losing faith in himself and his mission. He had a near-miss. I thought he'd be dead. He was suspected of blowing Diana and her accomplice's cover in some undercover mission or other, and took the fall for it because the person who did it could be redeemed. They didn't believe him, but they held him as a traitor. Stlian and I did end up getting a message to someone who can help, but by then she had already found and rescued him. She's still being used. He's still being tracked. More injustice... and it's all disheartening.
*There's a rustling as she reaches to turn off the recorder, then she remembers one last thing*
Oh yeah, and the crowned jewel, cherry-on-top of the shit-sundae that has been my week, I met this hermit who entrusted me with a mission to sway this outcast to redeem herself. My arguments swayed her to seek out the nightsisters. I created a nightsister. So I killed her.
*Ahem..*
Good night.
*END*
Comments
Betrayed.
Zan has always been protective of me- so much so that often he's taken extreme measures. This time, he's stepped over the line. Threatening to take the children without Lawrence's consent if I fall beyond Gabaki.. No. You do not go against the family. If Lawrence was to deny me the right to see them, because of something I've done, it would be different. ...but you do not take the children from their father, because of some crusade against me. Even if he was bluffing- he had bluffed earlier saying that Lawrence was keeping them from me, but that turned out to not be true -that is one thing you do not kriff around with.
He tried to feed me this whole sermon on why I couldn't be trusted. Based on complete fallacy. He thinks Gabaki led me to take his FlashBang. Let's recap. For months, I take gabaki to calm my mind before I sleep, for fear of nightmares. One day, he decides to engineer this new spice to fund some horrible kriff-up he made with his company so he doesn't have to lay off a bunch of workers. He has me sell the shit to keep his name clear. I swore off having anything to do with hard spice long ago, but like an idiot, I decided to help him and trust that his cause was just. Midway into the adventure, we move his lab to his ship-- which, by the way, he tried to push some kind of sweetblossum on me when we were up there --rebreathers malfunction, I inhale the flash, and get hooked. We wake up after having blacked out, the ship is gone. Gone. Crashed somewhere, and we can't find it. Next week is kind of a blur.. but once Jaelon found out about the Flash, he warned me to nip it in the bud. I was getting off the shit, going through withdrawls and crap, but I took just one more hair of the dog that bit me so I could follow through answering Royth's distress signal. All hell broke loose when I got back, so please refer back a few logs ago. Later, I give p teh rest of the spice money only to find that the debt to his workers was paid long ago, and the credits are being used tp keep his wife and mistresses in fine Nightsister silks. Anyway... follow me here? Gabaki didn't lead me to flash. Flash led to flash.
Zan's been overzealous in keeping me from anything and everything, including the Gabaki I take medicinally. I did turn back to Gabaki one night. I had been awake for days.. I met this woman at the cantina.. things happened. That sullustian that's been tailing me ratted me out to Zan- apperantly Zan hired him to follow me. After some hullabaloo, I was led to believe that he would lay off me for the gabaki. Then earlier today I get this call, he tries to force me to piss in this cup. No, literally force me. He wasn't going to let me leave. He tried to bluff me, saying that my kids were taken away. Pulled a blaster on me.. He sic'd his wife on me! ....and she's fucking vicious! Like one of them little Jaxxes that's all sweet and then RRAAWWR! what the KRIFF man!?
How quickly he forgets when our roles were reversed. Back in the day, he used to be into spice himself. For a while there it was bad. Pixie.. booster blue.. the works. I can't count the number of times I've had to talk him down to keep him from flipping out over one thing or another, nor can I count the number of times I've cleared out his stash when it got hairy, nor the number of talks we'd had when he was sober, and trying to rationalize one spice or another to me so I wouldn't smash it if I found it. He says he got off the spice himself. That it was his decision. Of course the final decision was his.. just as the final decision is and will be mine.. Any junkie with the will to get his spice will obtain his spice or die trying. It's the will that has to be changed.. guided.. because free will can not be forced.
I understand that he feels I lack this willpower. Maybe direct force is the only way he knows how to operate. I can tolerate a certain amount of force being used on me in the name of protection, but there are some lines that should not be crossed. I've gone, now, to take refuge in the last place anyone would think to look for me.
I've taken his ship, too- it was sold to me by a toydarian who found it by chance. He can't track it, or else he would have found it himself by now. I'll use this ship to travel coreward when it's necessary. Flying it is... terrifying. I must operate purely by instinct- guided by the hand of the force, my life at its mercy. Not more than a day ago, I was trying to explain to Stlian why I couldn't trust in the force, because I'd strayed from the natural order of it-- if this isn't a kark of a metaphor, I don't know what is. I wonder what he will notice of my abscence..
I also have to worry for Keren. I've given him charge of my faithful droid servant, Baen; a message that should be reaching him shortly. However, I fear he's losing faith in himself and his mission. He had a near-miss. I thought he'd be dead. He was suspected of blowing Diana and her accomplice's cover in some undercover mission or other, and took the fall for it because the person who did it could be redeemed. They didn't believe him, but they held him as a traitor. Stlian and I did end up getting a message to someone who can help, but by then she had already found and rescued him. She's still being used. He's still being tracked. More injustice... and it's all disheartening.
*There's a rustling as she reaches to turn off the recorder, then she remembers one last thing*
Oh yeah, and the crowned jewel, cherry-on-top of the shit-sundae that has been my week, I met this hermit who entrusted me with a mission to sway this outcast to redeem herself. My arguments swayed her to seek out the nightsisters. I created a nightsister. So I killed her.
*Ahem..*
Good night.
*END*
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