I think I'll title this entry "In Which I Try To Determine Which One Of Us Is Crazy"
*You can practically hear the smirk on her lips as she says this, but as she continues, her voice fades into a more serious tone.*
Keren wants to speak to the Ceterus, on my behalf, about restoring my knighthood. I'm grateful that he's trying, of course, but his chances are pretty slim. First of all, nobody outside the order has ever approached them to plead a case for someone elses knighthood. The issue of who will be knighted has always been an internal affair. We kept our eye out for potential members, and when a person showed the makings of a knight, we secretly assessed his ability to follow the oath, and determined among ourselves whether he should be asked or not before even approaching the person with the issue. To come from the outside, knowing little to nothing about the brotherhood- for if he has heard a lot about them he hasn't heard it from me yet -and insist that somebody is ready to be knighted? Nobody has taken this step before. Then again, nobody has ever broken the oath before, and nobody has ever renounced their own knighthood before... so, as he said, there's a first time for everything.
Looking back, I worry if he does this because he truly thinks I'm ready, or because his judgement is.. clouded.. by the way he sees me. This morning, we talked about the visions last night. He seemed worried over something I had seen. I expected that it was something in his past. The tragedy with his parents.. the wandering that followed.. meeting and parting with his master.. service with the pirates or the alliance.. I expected what was connected with the events would be the worrisome part. Yet, he seemed to be more worried that I saw how he cared for me. I think even believed himself, once, to be in love with me. I tried to explain that love is only true when it's shared, and returned, and has time to grow between two people and become whole. To care and to love, in this way, are two seperate things.
It got us on the subject of his beginnings of such a true love between him and Xanthya, which I had also seen. I have no gift for prophecy, but I can forsee a strong, whole, true love forming between them. In a way, it's sad. He worries so much for her.. That he will not see her again.. For how she would feel if that happened.. Yet he knows he has to leave her anyway, and serve the alliance, so he can be with Diana and keep from losing her to the void. My words not his, but the spirit is the same. He has a choice to make- to leave Diana and the Alliance and stay with Xanthya, or to leave Xanthya for a while to serve the Alliance and save Diana. Well he's chosen the Alliance, but I didnt think that sounded quite right.
If only the Alliance and Diana weren't so stuck and pasted together! If she would defect, as well as him, then Keren could be with Xanthya, help Diana, and fight the Empire under his own banner if he must! Oh, hair-brained scheme, after desperate plot, after underhanded ploy I pitched to him, in planning to somehow convince whoever's in charge of letting Diana free of her committment to the Rebellion. Apperantly whatever ain't beneath me is far beneath him, or too risky, or somehow just won't work. Personally, I think I could have passed for a doctor, but what's the use if he's not behind the plan? So off on this dangerous mission he goes, leaving his loving girlfriend to wait and worry, and to wrestle with his own monster of a fear, and to attempt to save his padawan who seems to have one foot down the dark path, the other planted in an oil-slick. May the force be with him! By the stars, they're all gonna need it.
*END*
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*You can practically hear the smirk on her lips as she says this, but as she continues, her voice fades into a more serious tone.*
Keren wants to speak to the Ceterus, on my behalf, about restoring my knighthood. I'm grateful that he's trying, of course, but his chances are pretty slim. First of all, nobody outside the order has ever approached them to plead a case for someone elses knighthood. The issue of who will be knighted has always been an internal affair. We kept our eye out for potential members, and when a person showed the makings of a knight, we secretly assessed his ability to follow the oath, and determined among ourselves whether he should be asked or not before even approaching the person with the issue. To come from the outside, knowing little to nothing about the brotherhood- for if he has heard a lot about them he hasn't heard it from me yet -and insist that somebody is ready to be knighted? Nobody has taken this step before. Then again, nobody has ever broken the oath before, and nobody has ever renounced their own knighthood before... so, as he said, there's a first time for everything.
Looking back, I worry if he does this because he truly thinks I'm ready, or because his judgement is.. clouded.. by the way he sees me. This morning, we talked about the visions last night. He seemed worried over something I had seen. I expected that it was something in his past. The tragedy with his parents.. the wandering that followed.. meeting and parting with his master.. service with the pirates or the alliance.. I expected what was connected with the events would be the worrisome part. Yet, he seemed to be more worried that I saw how he cared for me. I think even believed himself, once, to be in love with me. I tried to explain that love is only true when it's shared, and returned, and has time to grow between two people and become whole. To care and to love, in this way, are two seperate things.
It got us on the subject of his beginnings of such a true love between him and Xanthya, which I had also seen. I have no gift for prophecy, but I can forsee a strong, whole, true love forming between them. In a way, it's sad. He worries so much for her.. That he will not see her again.. For how she would feel if that happened.. Yet he knows he has to leave her anyway, and serve the alliance, so he can be with Diana and keep from losing her to the void. My words not his, but the spirit is the same. He has a choice to make- to leave Diana and the Alliance and stay with Xanthya, or to leave Xanthya for a while to serve the Alliance and save Diana. Well he's chosen the Alliance, but I didnt think that sounded quite right.
If only the Alliance and Diana weren't so stuck and pasted together! If she would defect, as well as him, then Keren could be with Xanthya, help Diana, and fight the Empire under his own banner if he must! Oh, hair-brained scheme, after desperate plot, after underhanded ploy I pitched to him, in planning to somehow convince whoever's in charge of letting Diana free of her committment to the Rebellion. Apperantly whatever ain't beneath me is far beneath him, or too risky, or somehow just won't work. Personally, I think I could have passed for a doctor, but what's the use if he's not behind the plan? So off on this dangerous mission he goes, leaving his loving girlfriend to wait and worry, and to wrestle with his own monster of a fear, and to attempt to save his padawan who seems to have one foot down the dark path, the other planted in an oil-slick. May the force be with him! By the stars, they're all gonna need it.
*END*
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