Monday, August 29, 2011

Entry #34

   Keren's still sitting over there... zoned out...  maybe he's resting. He's been there all night meditating or something. It was a long day yesterday.   ...or maybe it just seemed that way to me. Keren called sounding spooked as all get out. I don't remember exactly what he said over the comm., but it was enough for me to know he was tripping on something. So here he came, and told me what had happened.

*She takes a long deep breath, trying to figure out where to start.*

   He was using this focusing crystal to try to heal his padawan Diana's injuries or something..  well, it needed some sort of connection between him, it, and her to work, and when they were making it, something went wrong. Somehow she and he linked minds, and they saw each-other's pasts all at once through each-other's eyes. He described it as having seen everything. It was a harsh shock to both of them. I gave Keren something to help him relax, and then we talked it over.

   Diana, apperantly, denies having seen anything. She's in a med-bay somewhere, dealing with this alone. Keren is worried about her, and I don't think either any of us really know what to do at this point. As we were discussing it, Jaelon came by, having offered to help. He called me just after Keren had, saying he was in the area. Strange that he appeared just after I had been thinking about him a little while ago..  but on with the story. We all sat and tried to figure out how to better asses the situation. I suggested that Keren look back on his vision of Diana, to get a feel for how she might be taking it, and more importantly, see if she would seek help from him as he said she might. He didn't want to see what he saw again, though. I can't say that I blame him. Their pasts mirror each-other too closely.. and it was bad enough the first time.

   I don't recall who suggested it first, Keren or Jaelon, but the idea that I should be the one to look into his thoughts instead was brought up. Well.. more than brought up, it was eventually decided on. Nothing.. scared me more.. than the thought of trying to do it. I froze. I thought of everything that could go wrong. What if the same sort of vision should happen again with him and I? What if my shadows were to somehow reach Keren? What if I should fail and damage both our minds? The what ifs were killing me, but I couldn't abandon him again, and he needed to know whether he would look back himself or not. With Jaelon watching over us both, we did what had to be done.

   Still, something went wrong. I couldn't control where I went in his mind, nor could he guide me anywhere. It was all I could do to remember Muaarga's lesson and see just one thing at a time. The result.. well.. I saw his whole past in sequence, in glimpses, thoughts and feelings connected. Then, I saw Diana's past the same way. I learned some things I probably had no right to know, but the worst part was in the end. I reached the part in Diana's past where she saw into Keren's mind, and the visions mirrored back one on top of another, over and over again, and overwhealmed everything. The last clear glimpse I saw before shutting down was a reflection of what I believe to be his worst fear. This part worries me the most..  the vision was so disconnected.. Could it be possible that it originated from my shadow? Could it be possible that he will be afflicted by this, and it would be my doing? I can only hope not..  but I know that he saw it too.. and I tried to tell him some things I wish I had known when I was first afflicted by it. I haven't told him yet what I fear I might have done...

*She's quiet now. She's still thinking about it. Aftera  short pause, she continues.*

   Well, after I told him what I did see, he still seems to think Diana will seek him out for help. I hope he's right. That's all I can say. Muaarga, I'm lost as to exactly when, had sensed that I was in danger, and came in to see what was happening. After Jaelon got me my special tea, it occured to me, as my head cleared, that he had not been there physically the whole time. It was at about this time, when I was explaining the situation to Muaarga, that Keren zoned out. Muaarga seemed surprised that I would attempt something like this so soon. Jaelon..  didn't know about recent events. He didn't believe me when I said I had broken my oath. Even after I ran through most of the list, he seemed to believe I couldn't be anything but the same as ever. He even insisted that only I would knight him, when.. not if ..I can return to teh Ceterus. At that moment I felt ready to take my oath again, knowing that he too believed in me. He suggested that I should talk to them again.. that I should ask again... and I have. I had a long talk with Lawrence about it last night, as I settled the kids back to sleep. ...but I get ahead of my story again.

   The night ended on a happy note, as before Jaelon left, he told me why he was back around this part of the galaxy in the first place. Ah! ...but I have promised to seal my lips on the matter, so I will, until I hear further word from him. At that...  I think it's about time to get breakfast ready.

*END*


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