*The winds are blowing strongly tonight, as they whip about, and distort the quiet voice speaking into the mic.*
Keren was in worse shape today than he was before. I was up here when he came by, all blasted worn out and exhausted and thinking of way too many things at once. On top of that he seemed to have his reservations about even asking for help.. If he's on the path I think he is, then I'm afraid he needs it now more than ever.
Diana ran again, and he didn't try to stop her. He didn't know she would leave the base again, but when they found out, they sent the whole squad after her. That Lieutenant.. I don't like him. I don't like what I hear about him. I can't stand to hear of the way he treats Keren. *She sighs, and recovers her previous train of thought.* That.. is later. Out in the wilds of that forsaken rock, the local beasts gave them hell. One of them almost killed the Captain, but Keren was able to heal him and drain his own self half dead. Then, Lieutenant Sunshine gives Diana a scolding for going off base when she wasn't supposed to, but I guess technically she's not part of the unit, so I guess either those rules don't apply to her or she thinks the shouldn't. Anyway, she ends up taking off her armor and breathing equipment because of it. Sunshine shoots her with a stunbolt, and they all head out and fight through the friendly fauna to get back to the base. Then, after all this, the Lieutenant starts tearing into Keren- Keren still barely concious from healing the Captain -calling him a disgrace, and scolding for not letting him know Diana had left. Cap'n chewed out Lt. Sunshine afterward, I guess, but apperantly that didn't stop him from starting up again later.
No respect. The Captain seems to be the only one standing behind him. The rest... it's getting to him.. and it's not pretty. He's questioning everything. He questions his reasons for serving with these men.. questions his place in the fight.. questions whether they value him.. questions his decision to go leave in the first place. It doesn't help that he's leaving Xanthya behind to put up with it all. He hasn't spoken with her scince he rescued her from Aliya. He had to leave her again, too soon, and he's beginning to see that he can't be there for her as much as he would like. He fears he will lose her, but he won't resign because he doesn't want to quit the unit. Again he questions.. he questions if she still loves him.. and I think that's hurting him the most. I offered to help him track her down, and given what he's told me I think I can, but it's going to take time. I just hope he can stick it out with his unit until then.
This commitment to the 95th is killing him. War is changing him.. his ideas of honor and war are being tested.. he's seeing his fellow soldiers not just having to fight, but wanting to fight, even enjoying the fight. Maybe he fears he's starting to enjoy it too, and he feels he has to resist it. He called them "cold-blooded", which.. well.. sometimes is necessary. I don't want to use the word enjoy.. but sometimes.. you do have to enjoy the fight to keep your sanity, and trust that what you're doing is right beforehand, and worry later. Or at least.. I do.. In any case, Keren doesn't seem to see it that way. He wants to defy the Empire by striking in the open as a jedi, but I don't think he wants to fight, and I hardly even think he wants to hide. I think he got more than he bargained for.. maybe signed up for ideals, and got slapped in the face by reality. Yet, those same ideals are keeping him there. He doesn't want to be a coward. He doesn't want to be a quitter.
On top of that, he doesn't want Diana to think him a coward or a quitter. He doesn't want her to think leaving the unit means he's giving up on her. Everyone seems to have given up on her already.. he wants to prove that he still cares. I suggested that he remind her of the White Thunder network, and that she can always contact him through it. Also, the Captain seems to not have given up entirely on her either. The more I think about it, the more Captain Cloudrunner doesn't seem like a half bad sort. I think I'd like to meet him someday. In any case, he's an ally in this fight, considering he's looking out for Diana's welfare, and seems to be looking after Keren's as well.
*She lets the wind whistle a moment as she leans back on the roof and takes a breather.*
Just keep your head, Keren. I said I would do anything in my power to help, and I meant it. There's no way I'm making.. that mistake I made.. again.. Just have patience, and try not to lose all of your ideals in the meantime.
*END*
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Keren was in worse shape today than he was before. I was up here when he came by, all blasted worn out and exhausted and thinking of way too many things at once. On top of that he seemed to have his reservations about even asking for help.. If he's on the path I think he is, then I'm afraid he needs it now more than ever.
Diana ran again, and he didn't try to stop her. He didn't know she would leave the base again, but when they found out, they sent the whole squad after her. That Lieutenant.. I don't like him. I don't like what I hear about him. I can't stand to hear of the way he treats Keren. *She sighs, and recovers her previous train of thought.* That.. is later. Out in the wilds of that forsaken rock, the local beasts gave them hell. One of them almost killed the Captain, but Keren was able to heal him and drain his own self half dead. Then, Lieutenant Sunshine gives Diana a scolding for going off base when she wasn't supposed to, but I guess technically she's not part of the unit, so I guess either those rules don't apply to her or she thinks the shouldn't. Anyway, she ends up taking off her armor and breathing equipment because of it. Sunshine shoots her with a stunbolt, and they all head out and fight through the friendly fauna to get back to the base. Then, after all this, the Lieutenant starts tearing into Keren- Keren still barely concious from healing the Captain -calling him a disgrace, and scolding for not letting him know Diana had left. Cap'n chewed out Lt. Sunshine afterward, I guess, but apperantly that didn't stop him from starting up again later.
No respect. The Captain seems to be the only one standing behind him. The rest... it's getting to him.. and it's not pretty. He's questioning everything. He questions his reasons for serving with these men.. questions his place in the fight.. questions whether they value him.. questions his decision to go leave in the first place. It doesn't help that he's leaving Xanthya behind to put up with it all. He hasn't spoken with her scince he rescued her from Aliya. He had to leave her again, too soon, and he's beginning to see that he can't be there for her as much as he would like. He fears he will lose her, but he won't resign because he doesn't want to quit the unit. Again he questions.. he questions if she still loves him.. and I think that's hurting him the most. I offered to help him track her down, and given what he's told me I think I can, but it's going to take time. I just hope he can stick it out with his unit until then.
This commitment to the 95th is killing him. War is changing him.. his ideas of honor and war are being tested.. he's seeing his fellow soldiers not just having to fight, but wanting to fight, even enjoying the fight. Maybe he fears he's starting to enjoy it too, and he feels he has to resist it. He called them "cold-blooded", which.. well.. sometimes is necessary. I don't want to use the word enjoy.. but sometimes.. you do have to enjoy the fight to keep your sanity, and trust that what you're doing is right beforehand, and worry later. Or at least.. I do.. In any case, Keren doesn't seem to see it that way. He wants to defy the Empire by striking in the open as a jedi, but I don't think he wants to fight, and I hardly even think he wants to hide. I think he got more than he bargained for.. maybe signed up for ideals, and got slapped in the face by reality. Yet, those same ideals are keeping him there. He doesn't want to be a coward. He doesn't want to be a quitter.
On top of that, he doesn't want Diana to think him a coward or a quitter. He doesn't want her to think leaving the unit means he's giving up on her. Everyone seems to have given up on her already.. he wants to prove that he still cares. I suggested that he remind her of the White Thunder network, and that she can always contact him through it. Also, the Captain seems to not have given up entirely on her either. The more I think about it, the more Captain Cloudrunner doesn't seem like a half bad sort. I think I'd like to meet him someday. In any case, he's an ally in this fight, considering he's looking out for Diana's welfare, and seems to be looking after Keren's as well.
*She lets the wind whistle a moment as she leans back on the roof and takes a breather.*
Just keep your head, Keren. I said I would do anything in my power to help, and I meant it. There's no way I'm making.. that mistake I made.. again.. Just have patience, and try not to lose all of your ideals in the meantime.
*END*
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