*Soft Corellian music plays in the background, as if in a hotel lobby.*
Came up from Tatooine today. Business concluded for now. Made Wayfar rounds, hit Jabba's palace to work things out with the big slug.. give him his cut. Made a big circle up around anchorhead, then booked it through Krayt territory to make sure I wasn't followed. After that, took Carova to River Haven.
Picked up a box of fresh cookies on the way to bring Ri.
I went by her house to give them to her.. I was going to visit, but I lost my nerve. I ended up leaving them on her doorstep. Why didn't I go in? Why couldn't I do it?
I'm reminded of this young runaway Kiva-something who came to stay at the Complex on Lok back when I was a kid. Nice girl. Little bit whacko. Taught me a prayer. Anyway... she had this twitch- she never felt right prayin' to the Goddess after she'd been sinnin' all day.
I guess Ri's my godess. Not in the sense that I worship her or nothin', but in the sense that I don't feel right coming calling after I've been out doing what I know she won't approve of. She knows about it, too. Lawrence told me about what Zan said when they all came after me. She knows.. Keren knows.. Sayon knows.. I feel so naked, them knowin' what I didn't tell 'em. Even after that, they still saved my ass from certain death. Not one has breathed a word of it yet- which I don't know if I'm thankful for or not. The hopeful side tells me that it's because maybe they trust me, and don't think I'll let it get out of hand. The other part wonders if they're just waiting for me to own up, and whether the dissaproval I sense is real, or imagined of paranoid guilt.
I know Ri wouldn't wait it out, that's for sure. Gabaki alone was enough for her to jump on me. I can only imagine what she'd have to say about a real drug. That's another reason.. I don't want to argue with her. Goodness knows she doesn't need any more stress.
Before when I spoke to her, she seemed in generally good spirits. She was excited about the children coming- twins, she's discovered. When Victure ensured his line.. he also ensured that the child should have a twin that was Jaelon's. Both children, they have decided, will be raised as their own; and that Victure's sins will not be held against them. While her happiness in welcoming the children was genuine, I worry that her ordeal has left more of a scar than she cares to show. She didn't seem too keen on leaving the house much. Or at all? It was as if there was this lurking fear of what awful things might happen if she stepped outside.
She said she missed me. ...but that was before. I renewed my promise to visit her soon. Well, she has seen me scince then, just not quite in the quiet social visit type of scenario she was hoping for. That's what I was hoping to pay her tonight before I thought about it. I took a turn to the hotel, instead. I'll wait to see how she receives my gift before I attempt to bring myself across her doorstep. If all is well, then all is well, and I'll visit her as I said I would, and not worry about stressing her. If all is not well.. I won't worry her.
*END*
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Came up from Tatooine today. Business concluded for now. Made Wayfar rounds, hit Jabba's palace to work things out with the big slug.. give him his cut. Made a big circle up around anchorhead, then booked it through Krayt territory to make sure I wasn't followed. After that, took Carova to River Haven.
Picked up a box of fresh cookies on the way to bring Ri.
I went by her house to give them to her.. I was going to visit, but I lost my nerve. I ended up leaving them on her doorstep. Why didn't I go in? Why couldn't I do it?
I'm reminded of this young runaway Kiva-something who came to stay at the Complex on Lok back when I was a kid. Nice girl. Little bit whacko. Taught me a prayer. Anyway... she had this twitch- she never felt right prayin' to the Goddess after she'd been sinnin' all day.
I guess Ri's my godess. Not in the sense that I worship her or nothin', but in the sense that I don't feel right coming calling after I've been out doing what I know she won't approve of. She knows about it, too. Lawrence told me about what Zan said when they all came after me. She knows.. Keren knows.. Sayon knows.. I feel so naked, them knowin' what I didn't tell 'em. Even after that, they still saved my ass from certain death. Not one has breathed a word of it yet- which I don't know if I'm thankful for or not. The hopeful side tells me that it's because maybe they trust me, and don't think I'll let it get out of hand. The other part wonders if they're just waiting for me to own up, and whether the dissaproval I sense is real, or imagined of paranoid guilt.
I know Ri wouldn't wait it out, that's for sure. Gabaki alone was enough for her to jump on me. I can only imagine what she'd have to say about a real drug. That's another reason.. I don't want to argue with her. Goodness knows she doesn't need any more stress.
Before when I spoke to her, she seemed in generally good spirits. She was excited about the children coming- twins, she's discovered. When Victure ensured his line.. he also ensured that the child should have a twin that was Jaelon's. Both children, they have decided, will be raised as their own; and that Victure's sins will not be held against them. While her happiness in welcoming the children was genuine, I worry that her ordeal has left more of a scar than she cares to show. She didn't seem too keen on leaving the house much. Or at all? It was as if there was this lurking fear of what awful things might happen if she stepped outside.
She said she missed me. ...but that was before. I renewed my promise to visit her soon. Well, she has seen me scince then, just not quite in the quiet social visit type of scenario she was hoping for. That's what I was hoping to pay her tonight before I thought about it. I took a turn to the hotel, instead. I'll wait to see how she receives my gift before I attempt to bring myself across her doorstep. If all is well, then all is well, and I'll visit her as I said I would, and not worry about stressing her. If all is not well.. I won't worry her.
*END*
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