It's hitting the fan. Everywhere.
*She sighs, and adjusts the mic.*
Zan is... somewhere else. I can't find him anywhere in any way. Even in the force.. he is gone. I... excpect official word of his death.. any day now. *She gasps back the tears, determined not to let her emotions get the better of her.* His father's spirit.. holocron.. told me about death. He told me about returning to the force.. celebrating the transformation of the spirit, not mourning it. Muaarga re-enforced this. I... I believe it. Still I cannot believe he could really be dead. Can he? We're all living on borrowed time, I know. Still.. I can't wrap my mind around..
*Her voice breaks, and she pauses for several minutes as she composes herself. Shakily, she continues.*
I.. Should also mention.. Muaarga found me. He found me, all before any of this happened, and saved me from what I can only explain as another brush with the dark side. It hurt him, I think, at first, when he contacted the spirit this time. I ran again. I got home, and tried to take the spice I keep in case of emergencies to cut off my own connection to the force- to choke out the spirit, I hoped, so it could not harm anyone. Muaarga caught up with me, and kept me from doing it.. and defeated the spirit for now. He is no end of help to me... he's also been helping me retrace my locked memories with regards to my imprisonment. Now he's tracking down the inquisitor who was in charge of me.
I find myself.. worrying about him.. now. He told me about how he wonders about his time on Kashyyyk... if he would have done the galaxy more good if he had not been in hiding. Later he says something about following a purpose helping me.. I forget his exact words. I could be wrong, but it reminds me of myself. If I know anything, I know the guilt of not being able to help when I feel it should be in my power. I know the feeling of having something I must do, no matter what. If this is the same... well I hope it isn't.
To top this off, I hear a nice little report about one of Thode's executives looking for recruits to commit genocide against the Tusken Raiders. No, not in those words. "Extermination" was the word I think was used in the advertisement. This.. cannot happen. I never thought I would see the day when I would plead for a Tusken Raider's life, but something about this seems wrong. Then again, they are little more than animals. Then again, the only ones I have met are the ones who make a habit of attacking settlers. Then again... there are a lot of then agains. One of which sticks in my mind.. The Mind was in the company of Tuskens... Why? Is there something more to the people than I know? I don't know.. All I know is that I need to find out if Thode has authorized this.. and if so.. why? If anyone can pull it off, it's him, I think. Which is why I think I need to talk to him. He hates me.. he'll probably kill me for it.. but I like a di'kut I need to go and talk to him.
Speaking of returning to Crimson Ridge, I have not heard from Deedax scince I left. I don't know why, and again I haven't been able to persue it. I should.. I wish I could.. I am niglecting my other duties as well. Jaelon should have been knighted by now.. I cannot meet in person with Legov.. I have not seen or heard of Oretto..... I feel I cannot guide another when I can hardly guide myself.
Everything's happening at once. Zan's disapearance.. the bombings... the memories... the spirit... Muaarga... the spying... Deedax... Legov... Oretto... the bounty raised again... Ark... Thode.... I can't do nothing, but I can't do it all. I'm.. lost. So.. all I can do.. is that which I feel I must. If that means getting involved in this Tusken business, even now... so be it. May the force guide me. I leave for my shuttle in an hour.
*END*
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*She sighs, and adjusts the mic.*
Zan is... somewhere else. I can't find him anywhere in any way. Even in the force.. he is gone. I... excpect official word of his death.. any day now. *She gasps back the tears, determined not to let her emotions get the better of her.* His father's spirit.. holocron.. told me about death. He told me about returning to the force.. celebrating the transformation of the spirit, not mourning it. Muaarga re-enforced this. I... I believe it. Still I cannot believe he could really be dead. Can he? We're all living on borrowed time, I know. Still.. I can't wrap my mind around..
*Her voice breaks, and she pauses for several minutes as she composes herself. Shakily, she continues.*
I.. Should also mention.. Muaarga found me. He found me, all before any of this happened, and saved me from what I can only explain as another brush with the dark side. It hurt him, I think, at first, when he contacted the spirit this time. I ran again. I got home, and tried to take the spice I keep in case of emergencies to cut off my own connection to the force- to choke out the spirit, I hoped, so it could not harm anyone. Muaarga caught up with me, and kept me from doing it.. and defeated the spirit for now. He is no end of help to me... he's also been helping me retrace my locked memories with regards to my imprisonment. Now he's tracking down the inquisitor who was in charge of me.
I find myself.. worrying about him.. now. He told me about how he wonders about his time on Kashyyyk... if he would have done the galaxy more good if he had not been in hiding. Later he says something about following a purpose helping me.. I forget his exact words. I could be wrong, but it reminds me of myself. If I know anything, I know the guilt of not being able to help when I feel it should be in my power. I know the feeling of having something I must do, no matter what. If this is the same... well I hope it isn't.
To top this off, I hear a nice little report about one of Thode's executives looking for recruits to commit genocide against the Tusken Raiders. No, not in those words. "Extermination" was the word I think was used in the advertisement. This.. cannot happen. I never thought I would see the day when I would plead for a Tusken Raider's life, but something about this seems wrong. Then again, they are little more than animals. Then again, the only ones I have met are the ones who make a habit of attacking settlers. Then again... there are a lot of then agains. One of which sticks in my mind.. The Mind was in the company of Tuskens... Why? Is there something more to the people than I know? I don't know.. All I know is that I need to find out if Thode has authorized this.. and if so.. why? If anyone can pull it off, it's him, I think. Which is why I think I need to talk to him. He hates me.. he'll probably kill me for it.. but I like a di'kut I need to go and talk to him.
Speaking of returning to Crimson Ridge, I have not heard from Deedax scince I left. I don't know why, and again I haven't been able to persue it. I should.. I wish I could.. I am niglecting my other duties as well. Jaelon should have been knighted by now.. I cannot meet in person with Legov.. I have not seen or heard of Oretto..... I feel I cannot guide another when I can hardly guide myself.
Everything's happening at once. Zan's disapearance.. the bombings... the memories... the spirit... Muaarga... the spying... Deedax... Legov... Oretto... the bounty raised again... Ark... Thode.... I can't do nothing, but I can't do it all. I'm.. lost. So.. all I can do.. is that which I feel I must. If that means getting involved in this Tusken business, even now... so be it. May the force guide me. I leave for my shuttle in an hour.
*END*
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