We went to Sayon's memorial, at the site where he passed away. Rurra, the bothaness who organized the rescue mission, organized the memorial as well. It was strange to be among all these other beings who knew him. Most of them, I didn't know. Zan and Stlian were there, brought, and I brought the children. We thought it might be good for them to understand what happened, and to have a chance to say goodbye.
We stayed a while, and they were tired, by the end of it. Especially Ashla. Pockets, I wonder if we'll ever need to worry about. It's like I was telling Stlian. He's not half as sensitive as Ashla is, because growing up around her, he was in a sense forced to build up an immunity to emotional stresses. She not only feels the emotions of others, but projects her own. He's learned to shrug it off, more or less, to keep from being effected too badly.
Ash, of course, lacks any such resistance. I used to worry that this would make her weak, but now, I'm not so sure. This Battle Meditation that Vahn theorized about.. it's all too real. Talking with Muaarga and Stlian about it, the things I heard.. they're both inspiring and terrifying. Battle Meditation is a rare gift, and those with true meditation have even decided the outcome of whole wars. She will need to be taught to handle her talent responsably.. but also protected from those who would use her for their own gains. We've decided she'll need to be watched, and not just by her bodyguards. When she's not with Lawrence or me, she'll be trusted with Arden, Zan, Muaarga, Keren or Stlian. Vahn, I'm not so sure about.
I don't know what to think of Vahn. I can't figure what his game is. Either he has none, or he's very good at hiding it. Everyone has a game, so I'm inclined to believe it's the latter, especially when you take his age, skill, and experience into account. I remember his political aspirations, too.. some kind of free planets alliance seperatist movement.. though as of now he's the only one left of his particular faction. Except Ashla... she takes it to heart because, truth be told, I take it to heart. Which makes me wonder.. is -this- his game? Is Ashla the key to seeing his politcal visions realized? Muaarga looked into her future.. he said he could see her as a great leader, he just wasn't sure of what. Of course he also said it didn't seem dark. A faction that practically doesn't exist yet, I'm guessing, would be hard to identify in a vision. He also said it, whatever it was, didn't seem to be dark. If Ash is the key to Vahn's success.. and Muaarga's visions are as accurate as they have a habit of being.. perhaps I shouldn't interefere with them being brought together, and fulfilling this destiny. Then again.. mayb it wasn't destiny.. maybe it was a warning.
All I know is that, even now, she's very powerful whether she realizes it or not. She hurt Vahn badly that first day when they met, when she mistook him for an enemy. On the flipside, just recently, she kept herself and Stlian from getting hurt, by blocking a berzerk drain of mine while nearly forcing me to hug her. I wouldn't touch her or anyone before, because I was afraid of that drain getting out of hand. Still.. both times, she seemed unaware of having done anything at all. She didn't mean to hurt Vahn, or even attack him, that day they met, yet she subdued him effectively. She didn't mean to defend anyone or heal anyone when she hugged me, yet she controlled a condition which even I can't control.
We didn't have much time to think it over, after it happened. I was still holding her with me, when the Enclave came for me. Stlian held them off, while I went down to the basement with Ashla. For the first time in years, I picked up a lightsaber. I used it to hack away at the rock, and seal the entrance, then pile more rock against the archives to conceal them from veiw. The goal was to carve a tunnel through the earthen wall, and escape before they reached the library. The library was never reached, however, and Stlian brought us to the surface. We weren't out of the woods yet, though. They were all around us.. void dead-spots in the force where forests should have been. Stlian lent us his speeder to flee to Libria, and we took refuge in the basement of Father's old bunker. Zan showed up.. and Falcun.. and Ek'fe.. and a small army of CorSec officers. I ducked behind the bar, keeping Ashla under cover while they battled it out on the upper levels. In the end, the enclave lost that battle, but I get the feeling this isn't the end of it. Now that they know about Ashla, they'll be after her too. Also, if they're bold enough to even come to Libria in the first place, I expect they'll have no qualms coming again in greater numbers. They know we're here now.. but I don't know if we should leave. We're running out of places to run to.
Someone else also knows we're here. Messy came after me. That sounds horrible to say, but I can't call him by his new name. I thought he was dead, but no, he's alive and warped worse than before. He also has an apprentice. They came down to the bunker, after me, wanting our knowledge. Somehow he knew we were in the bunker. I wonder if he can sense me.. in which case there's even more to think about. Dosni was there, too. He came to answer the warning over the network about the Enclave, but he made it after the battle. Down on the lower level there was a force-feild, just outside the elevator. The rest of us were on one side of it, away from the elevator. Dosni, Messy, and the apprentice were on the other side of it. Nobody knew the code to the force-feild. I could pass through it, if I concentrated, parting the current, but I couldn't bring Dosni back with me. The apprentice attacked Dosni, and he held impressively well. I took Ashla, and hid her, and stayed behind with her while the others handled Messy.
While we were there, Ashla asked me about Messy.. about why I'd said he was a friend once.. I told her the story. She asked me why they were fighting, and then, why I didn't stop it. Truth be told, the thought didn't occur to me that I could try to stop it. I wouldn't have gone and tried if Ashla hadn't asked me, but when she did, it was like I couldn't say no. I went into the other room to find Dosni on the safe side of the forcefeild, and our side engaging in a taunting-match with the other side. I stepped in to talk to Messy face to face, adressing why he was here. Knowledge. Knowledge for what? Knowledge is useless without training, I told him. The situation quieted somewhat, as Messy called his apprentice back, and we agreed on a bit of a cease-fire. I stepped through the force-feild, parting the current around me. Zan looked at me like I was fucking crazy. I really should have been fucking crazy.. because passing through that force-feild left me defenseless while I was doing it, and once I got through, my odds weren't too good if they'd decided to fight. I guess.. I don't know.. some hopeless part of me still almost trusts him, and maybe feels I owe him that trust for what he did for me. He sold his soul to save mine. I can't help but hope that I can help him still, at least just a little bit.
I got a good look at him, for the first time, to see how far the corruption had spread. It was deeply rooted- a part of him, even, by now. I knew there was no way to remove it completely. Then I thought. The same could have been said for me.. but then I was able to contain it with so much help. Then I thought of why he was corrupted. It wasn't because of any evil aspirations of his, or some horrible deed he had done- it was because he had been attacked. It was darkness without purpose. I thought what purpose he could have. At one point, I would have said protecting me, because that's what he would have said.. but I've always known it was something more than that. I know, if I were in his place, I would have wanted freedom, or redemption, or both. I know he himself wanted to forget a lot of things, especially order 66, and that he used to recognise a higher morality than his programming would allow him to follow. By now, I doubt he still cares for the morality or the redemption.. does he? I expect that maybe he doesn't care.. or thinks it's to late.. or probably thinks he's above it now that he has power. Then it hit me. The power. Forcers were gods to him. If power is all he wants then that he can have, and I can even help him with. I promised to train him at the Garden House, and he left, taking his padawan with him.
Afterward, Zan was bugging out something bad. Turns out the creepy-side-of-the-force is catching up with him, too, and he's got some kind of force-sensitive disease. It's playing a sick game of chicken with him, trying to assimilate him before he assimilates it. He's in the same boat as me, as he put it. It sounds familiar, in a way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I get the feeling that with a little bit more information it could be understood and beaten. I don't know how much information he has on it himself, scince it seems like he just recently found out about it. Apperantly Ek'fe was teh first to know, and she damn near held him hostage to keep him from going out and doing something stupid and sucidal. Snipes, they totally love each-other. They should just get kriffing married already. Everyone thinks they're married anyway. Zan says he doesn't wanna' put her through losing him if he ends up dying of this thing, but like I told him, she's gonna lose him anyway. I say he should just make the most of what he's got left, and just take the chance. He left soon after that. Maybe to tell her maybe not. I think he's gonna' wait it out. One or the other is bound to sense something anyway sooner or later.
Dosni ended up crashing at the bunker, and Ashla and I are going to be staying down under here for a while. I guess that's all we can do until we think of something. Until then.. I guess we just have patience. Heh.. like I always say.. not my strongsuit.
Wish luck.
*END*
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We stayed a while, and they were tired, by the end of it. Especially Ashla. Pockets, I wonder if we'll ever need to worry about. It's like I was telling Stlian. He's not half as sensitive as Ashla is, because growing up around her, he was in a sense forced to build up an immunity to emotional stresses. She not only feels the emotions of others, but projects her own. He's learned to shrug it off, more or less, to keep from being effected too badly.
Ash, of course, lacks any such resistance. I used to worry that this would make her weak, but now, I'm not so sure. This Battle Meditation that Vahn theorized about.. it's all too real. Talking with Muaarga and Stlian about it, the things I heard.. they're both inspiring and terrifying. Battle Meditation is a rare gift, and those with true meditation have even decided the outcome of whole wars. She will need to be taught to handle her talent responsably.. but also protected from those who would use her for their own gains. We've decided she'll need to be watched, and not just by her bodyguards. When she's not with Lawrence or me, she'll be trusted with Arden, Zan, Muaarga, Keren or Stlian. Vahn, I'm not so sure about.
I don't know what to think of Vahn. I can't figure what his game is. Either he has none, or he's very good at hiding it. Everyone has a game, so I'm inclined to believe it's the latter, especially when you take his age, skill, and experience into account. I remember his political aspirations, too.. some kind of free planets alliance seperatist movement.. though as of now he's the only one left of his particular faction. Except Ashla... she takes it to heart because, truth be told, I take it to heart. Which makes me wonder.. is -this- his game? Is Ashla the key to seeing his politcal visions realized? Muaarga looked into her future.. he said he could see her as a great leader, he just wasn't sure of what. Of course he also said it didn't seem dark. A faction that practically doesn't exist yet, I'm guessing, would be hard to identify in a vision. He also said it, whatever it was, didn't seem to be dark. If Ash is the key to Vahn's success.. and Muaarga's visions are as accurate as they have a habit of being.. perhaps I shouldn't interefere with them being brought together, and fulfilling this destiny. Then again.. mayb it wasn't destiny.. maybe it was a warning.
All I know is that, even now, she's very powerful whether she realizes it or not. She hurt Vahn badly that first day when they met, when she mistook him for an enemy. On the flipside, just recently, she kept herself and Stlian from getting hurt, by blocking a berzerk drain of mine while nearly forcing me to hug her. I wouldn't touch her or anyone before, because I was afraid of that drain getting out of hand. Still.. both times, she seemed unaware of having done anything at all. She didn't mean to hurt Vahn, or even attack him, that day they met, yet she subdued him effectively. She didn't mean to defend anyone or heal anyone when she hugged me, yet she controlled a condition which even I can't control.
We didn't have much time to think it over, after it happened. I was still holding her with me, when the Enclave came for me. Stlian held them off, while I went down to the basement with Ashla. For the first time in years, I picked up a lightsaber. I used it to hack away at the rock, and seal the entrance, then pile more rock against the archives to conceal them from veiw. The goal was to carve a tunnel through the earthen wall, and escape before they reached the library. The library was never reached, however, and Stlian brought us to the surface. We weren't out of the woods yet, though. They were all around us.. void dead-spots in the force where forests should have been. Stlian lent us his speeder to flee to Libria, and we took refuge in the basement of Father's old bunker. Zan showed up.. and Falcun.. and Ek'fe.. and a small army of CorSec officers. I ducked behind the bar, keeping Ashla under cover while they battled it out on the upper levels. In the end, the enclave lost that battle, but I get the feeling this isn't the end of it. Now that they know about Ashla, they'll be after her too. Also, if they're bold enough to even come to Libria in the first place, I expect they'll have no qualms coming again in greater numbers. They know we're here now.. but I don't know if we should leave. We're running out of places to run to.
Someone else also knows we're here. Messy came after me. That sounds horrible to say, but I can't call him by his new name. I thought he was dead, but no, he's alive and warped worse than before. He also has an apprentice. They came down to the bunker, after me, wanting our knowledge. Somehow he knew we were in the bunker. I wonder if he can sense me.. in which case there's even more to think about. Dosni was there, too. He came to answer the warning over the network about the Enclave, but he made it after the battle. Down on the lower level there was a force-feild, just outside the elevator. The rest of us were on one side of it, away from the elevator. Dosni, Messy, and the apprentice were on the other side of it. Nobody knew the code to the force-feild. I could pass through it, if I concentrated, parting the current, but I couldn't bring Dosni back with me. The apprentice attacked Dosni, and he held impressively well. I took Ashla, and hid her, and stayed behind with her while the others handled Messy.
While we were there, Ashla asked me about Messy.. about why I'd said he was a friend once.. I told her the story. She asked me why they were fighting, and then, why I didn't stop it. Truth be told, the thought didn't occur to me that I could try to stop it. I wouldn't have gone and tried if Ashla hadn't asked me, but when she did, it was like I couldn't say no. I went into the other room to find Dosni on the safe side of the forcefeild, and our side engaging in a taunting-match with the other side. I stepped in to talk to Messy face to face, adressing why he was here. Knowledge. Knowledge for what? Knowledge is useless without training, I told him. The situation quieted somewhat, as Messy called his apprentice back, and we agreed on a bit of a cease-fire. I stepped through the force-feild, parting the current around me. Zan looked at me like I was fucking crazy. I really should have been fucking crazy.. because passing through that force-feild left me defenseless while I was doing it, and once I got through, my odds weren't too good if they'd decided to fight. I guess.. I don't know.. some hopeless part of me still almost trusts him, and maybe feels I owe him that trust for what he did for me. He sold his soul to save mine. I can't help but hope that I can help him still, at least just a little bit.
I got a good look at him, for the first time, to see how far the corruption had spread. It was deeply rooted- a part of him, even, by now. I knew there was no way to remove it completely. Then I thought. The same could have been said for me.. but then I was able to contain it with so much help. Then I thought of why he was corrupted. It wasn't because of any evil aspirations of his, or some horrible deed he had done- it was because he had been attacked. It was darkness without purpose. I thought what purpose he could have. At one point, I would have said protecting me, because that's what he would have said.. but I've always known it was something more than that. I know, if I were in his place, I would have wanted freedom, or redemption, or both. I know he himself wanted to forget a lot of things, especially order 66, and that he used to recognise a higher morality than his programming would allow him to follow. By now, I doubt he still cares for the morality or the redemption.. does he? I expect that maybe he doesn't care.. or thinks it's to late.. or probably thinks he's above it now that he has power. Then it hit me. The power. Forcers were gods to him. If power is all he wants then that he can have, and I can even help him with. I promised to train him at the Garden House, and he left, taking his padawan with him.
Afterward, Zan was bugging out something bad. Turns out the creepy-side-of-the-force is catching up with him, too, and he's got some kind of force-sensitive disease. It's playing a sick game of chicken with him, trying to assimilate him before he assimilates it. He's in the same boat as me, as he put it. It sounds familiar, in a way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I get the feeling that with a little bit more information it could be understood and beaten. I don't know how much information he has on it himself, scince it seems like he just recently found out about it. Apperantly Ek'fe was teh first to know, and she damn near held him hostage to keep him from going out and doing something stupid and sucidal. Snipes, they totally love each-other. They should just get kriffing married already. Everyone thinks they're married anyway. Zan says he doesn't wanna' put her through losing him if he ends up dying of this thing, but like I told him, she's gonna lose him anyway. I say he should just make the most of what he's got left, and just take the chance. He left soon after that. Maybe to tell her maybe not. I think he's gonna' wait it out. One or the other is bound to sense something anyway sooner or later.
Dosni ended up crashing at the bunker, and Ashla and I are going to be staying down under here for a while. I guess that's all we can do until we think of something. Until then.. I guess we just have patience. Heh.. like I always say.. not my strongsuit.
Wish luck.
*END*
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