Much has happened, and I haven't had time to make record of it. However, rather than skipping it all as I usually do, I think I'll attempt to get as much of it down as I can this time, scince much of it is important. I'll try to be quiet, as I'm a guest in Muaarga's home, and I made him pinky-swear that he'd get some rest. I'm not one to drive a man to break such a serious, solemn promise, now, am I?! Hmm.. Well I'll get to explaining the hows and the whys and the what-fors eventually, but I think it would be best in this case to begin at the beginning.
*She seems more coherant with her speech, but still something is off. Rather than pause before speaking like she did before, she rambles on, running one sentence into another.*
The beginning, from where I left off, came with another of Oretto's visits. A couple visits scince then, actually. We have had short talks scince he's come back about Ark and dreams and things, but none of those has really been much from beginning to end. I'm afraid that in the last one I even rambled so that it was more narrative than talk, and was on the point of telling him about my own ordeals with nightmares and such, before Ark, but then we heard another distress signal. Well, I almost didn't answer it, but having heard it at all, I thought it was my duty to follow it. I don't know whether I regret or not having asked Oretto to come with me. He was worse off for it, but ended up saving my life because of it. Is that selfish of me?
As he met with Arden to place Rose in her care, I hovered down the stairs in my chair to dress in my robes. My Ceterus robes, that I crafted in the same way as all the others' robes, provide me the best protection I can get right now, seeing how my custom armor was burnt in the explosion. The scales of my robes, tempered in the fire.. altered with the force.. provided me more protection than I had anticipated, and remained even intact, to my delight. Anyway I get ahead of myself again. As I got down the steps to catch up with Oretto, I met what I thought was a ghost. Deedax... or at least something like.. but the sense of him was gone as soon as it came- replaced by... something. His brother, Helix Starrbender, he said his name was. Tracked me there somehow and had been looking for his brother. Recovering my sense, I told him Deedax was dead. Harsh.. I was harsh, I know, but I had little time, and little inclination to be delicate with the feelings of a man with enough guts to put a gun to me for answers. I got away on Jewels, and threw down my comm.chip. Left him there crying.
My guilt was soon replaced by worry for what was ahead of me, as I followed the call from the origin, to the outpost, to Tattooine, to finally Crimson Ridge. Oretto, by the time we were caught up, knew as little as I did, and we followed another rescuer to what I would later learn to be Voth Enterprises Headquarters. The HQ, we soon found, was rigged to explode from all entrances and egresses. A single hostage, I later learned was Thode's accountant, was trapped inside, with some sort of chemical pumpng through him. He was afraid. He was in pain. He was nonresponsive when I tried to make contact with him. The other rescuer was called away to Lok, but Oretto and I wouldn't abandon this hostage. Our efforts were in vain, though, scince security droid AR-four discovered us there, and tried an assault on the building, reducing it to a burning crater. I blacked out then, but later I learned that Oretto had pulled me away from the building, and sheilded me from the bulk of the blast. I came to in a medical facility, noticing Oretto close by, much worse off than I, and to being greeted by Thode's charming manor of interrogation- a slap to the face and an accusation of terrorism.
From then I only wanted two things. The first was to see that Oretto lives, the second to talk to Thode and clear our names. I did want a third thing, also, but that will be mentioned later. The events that followed were a blur. Several other people showed up, and I ended up pumped up with so many drugs that all I remember was repeating over and over those two wishes, until my senses woke up to Zan alert and healing my wounds, Muaarga standing close by, and a man I would soon learn to be Vyar, watching it all. I soon learned that Muaarga had taken Oretto to a medical facility in Mos Espa, Zan had taken a stimulant to give him energy to heal me, and Vyar could not contact Thode by any means. So on we went to the Afterburn, having been offered to be put up there. excellant steak. Good greif... I don't know what he did, but... mercy... best. steak. ever. What was I saying again? Oh yeah. Well soon Jaelon came to check up on the situation as well, and he joined us for a steak. We all talked, touched bases, and caught up. Toward the end, Zan flipped out, the effects of his stimulant wearing off. The others freaked, I think, but thankfully I remembered how to talk him down. I guess they aren't familiar with Zan + spice.. or whatever he took.. as I am. Well, things settled down, and Muaarga Zoned out for a while after Jaelon had to go home. After Vyar went to bed, I swiped a spare cloaking device, and set it on Muaarga to hide him from curious passers-by. Zan went home.. I stalled him 'till he was more sober, but I sent a message to Flynt, also, to take over his ship as autopilot.
As for me, I was on the point of falling asleep myself, until You-Know-Who walked in again. "You're a hard person to find," Helix said as he walked in, having apperantly tracked or followed me somehow from the base to here. Glad to have a second chance to talk to him, no blasters attatched, we made a clean slate of it and talked of how we knew Deedax. He was the older brother, he said, and told me the story I had wished I'd known when we were training long ago. Then of course we talked about him. Deedax the slick... Deedax the stubborn... Deedax down-for-anything... Deedax my friend and student who I believed dead these years scince I received the report of the incident in Bestine.
...but maybe not quite as dead as I thought he was?
Helix said he had been seen in places he never remembered being.. A clue? A hint? He spied the signet ring which Deedax willed to me, which I still wear on my pinky, and told me something else of it- that it was his mother's ring. His mother.. His mother whom he cared for, and who's death, and the events surrounding it hurt him so much to recall.. As I thought of it, I heard Helix take his leave, almost using my name. My name which I hadn't told him yet. Without missing a beat, I reponded "Catch you later, Deedax." to which I was given no response. Well.. it was a hunch. My senses told me nothing definite, but combining that clue with the fact Deedax never mentioned a brother, I took the leap. All I know is that from that point, I met Helix no more, and only Deedax appeared to me. Deedax who is -not- dead, and who knew, suddenly, I was in Crimson Ridge. I am.. overjoyed to find him again. We've spoken twice scince, but I have also scince left Crimson Ridge. I'll be back, though, not only to take care of business with Thode, but also in hopes of meeting with him again. I left my comm.code, but... I have the sneaking supicion a "dead" man wouldn't be caught using a comm.link much. That I will wait and see for.
*She clears her throat, her voice hoarse from whispering on and on. Picking up again, she goes in another direction.*
As for the the bombings, Muaarga volunteered to help with the investigation. I told him almost everything I knew, but can't quite seem to get around to telling him about the first bombing.. in which I was the cause of the explosion. I.. just can't bring myself to do it, though I know I will have to eventually. The events surrounding it could provide important clues. It's selfish of me, I think, now that I look at it, but I worry what he might say or think. He may not know it, but he has tested me and my ideals to a point where I feel I have to either 1) abandon them entirely, or 2) bite the bullet and find some miracle of a way to pull it off. He says things.. that challenge my commitment to non-ignorance. Truths that I don't want to hear.. Fears that are put in words more accurately than I could myself... Solutions that, though painful, are the most logical choice.... Yet, as he does so, he offers nothing but kindness, and help. Whatever pain he unintentionally puts me through, and whatever he says to right me when I'm wrong, it's all in the name of good will, and good faith, and.. I don't know how to describe it. It's like... as Arden is like my mother... he is almost like a father. *She's hesitant as she speaks these last few lines, never having put these thoughts together before* Is that possible? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. It could be that this is just the way he is, and I am just another being in need of help. Though that doesn't make it any less appreciated, and definitely not any less good of him.
I eventually talked to Thode. It went as I expected. "The fur flew, and the claws came out" to put it in the terms I know best. Keren was there, and he gave him a hearty helping of what I was feeding him too. Overzealous, a little bit, but appreciated nevertheless. In the end my name was... well no, not exactly cleared... but I don't believe he thinks quite so firmly that I did it. Still swiped the cookies of his desk, though. Wonder how long it'll take him to notice. Keren let me crash at his place until the issue is resolved. *sigh* I feel like such a freeloader. I don't remember the last time I slept in my own place.
Later I caught up Muaarga, and the conversation turned to what was to be done with the real bomber. I told him, of course, that I wanted to kill it, and if it was already dead, to kill it again until it stayed that way. He was surprised I wanted something so dark.. I was surprised he didn't expect it from me.. it was one of those times when I had to choos between sticking to my guns, or starting all over. Well the guns and I have a fond history, but honestly, I was ready to just walk away and give up. He said something.. about all the kills I had racked up in my life coming back to haunt me- eh, I'm paraphrasing -and... well I couldn't deny it. Just look at me now. Practically afraid of my own shadow... in whatever figurative sense you want to put that in.
*She breathes out a long, sharp sigh through her teeth. When she speaks again, her voice has that cold edge again, but it's weak and tired behind that.*
If I was not damaged, I would be fighting now. I would be working to even the score in this galactic game of cat and mouse the Empire and the Alliance are playing. I would be making use of myself and my talents. I would have my focus, and not be so soft as I am now. The way I think of myself and my own problems now is shameful, and I'm not going to finish this log right now, because I don't want to hear or speak any more about it.
*END*
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*She seems more coherant with her speech, but still something is off. Rather than pause before speaking like she did before, she rambles on, running one sentence into another.*
The beginning, from where I left off, came with another of Oretto's visits. A couple visits scince then, actually. We have had short talks scince he's come back about Ark and dreams and things, but none of those has really been much from beginning to end. I'm afraid that in the last one I even rambled so that it was more narrative than talk, and was on the point of telling him about my own ordeals with nightmares and such, before Ark, but then we heard another distress signal. Well, I almost didn't answer it, but having heard it at all, I thought it was my duty to follow it. I don't know whether I regret or not having asked Oretto to come with me. He was worse off for it, but ended up saving my life because of it. Is that selfish of me?
As he met with Arden to place Rose in her care, I hovered down the stairs in my chair to dress in my robes. My Ceterus robes, that I crafted in the same way as all the others' robes, provide me the best protection I can get right now, seeing how my custom armor was burnt in the explosion. The scales of my robes, tempered in the fire.. altered with the force.. provided me more protection than I had anticipated, and remained even intact, to my delight. Anyway I get ahead of myself again. As I got down the steps to catch up with Oretto, I met what I thought was a ghost. Deedax... or at least something like.. but the sense of him was gone as soon as it came- replaced by... something. His brother, Helix Starrbender, he said his name was. Tracked me there somehow and had been looking for his brother. Recovering my sense, I told him Deedax was dead. Harsh.. I was harsh, I know, but I had little time, and little inclination to be delicate with the feelings of a man with enough guts to put a gun to me for answers. I got away on Jewels, and threw down my comm.chip. Left him there crying.
My guilt was soon replaced by worry for what was ahead of me, as I followed the call from the origin, to the outpost, to Tattooine, to finally Crimson Ridge. Oretto, by the time we were caught up, knew as little as I did, and we followed another rescuer to what I would later learn to be Voth Enterprises Headquarters. The HQ, we soon found, was rigged to explode from all entrances and egresses. A single hostage, I later learned was Thode's accountant, was trapped inside, with some sort of chemical pumpng through him. He was afraid. He was in pain. He was nonresponsive when I tried to make contact with him. The other rescuer was called away to Lok, but Oretto and I wouldn't abandon this hostage. Our efforts were in vain, though, scince security droid AR-four discovered us there, and tried an assault on the building, reducing it to a burning crater. I blacked out then, but later I learned that Oretto had pulled me away from the building, and sheilded me from the bulk of the blast. I came to in a medical facility, noticing Oretto close by, much worse off than I, and to being greeted by Thode's charming manor of interrogation- a slap to the face and an accusation of terrorism.
From then I only wanted two things. The first was to see that Oretto lives, the second to talk to Thode and clear our names. I did want a third thing, also, but that will be mentioned later. The events that followed were a blur. Several other people showed up, and I ended up pumped up with so many drugs that all I remember was repeating over and over those two wishes, until my senses woke up to Zan alert and healing my wounds, Muaarga standing close by, and a man I would soon learn to be Vyar, watching it all. I soon learned that Muaarga had taken Oretto to a medical facility in Mos Espa, Zan had taken a stimulant to give him energy to heal me, and Vyar could not contact Thode by any means. So on we went to the Afterburn, having been offered to be put up there. excellant steak. Good greif... I don't know what he did, but... mercy... best. steak. ever. What was I saying again? Oh yeah. Well soon Jaelon came to check up on the situation as well, and he joined us for a steak. We all talked, touched bases, and caught up. Toward the end, Zan flipped out, the effects of his stimulant wearing off. The others freaked, I think, but thankfully I remembered how to talk him down. I guess they aren't familiar with Zan + spice.. or whatever he took.. as I am. Well, things settled down, and Muaarga Zoned out for a while after Jaelon had to go home. After Vyar went to bed, I swiped a spare cloaking device, and set it on Muaarga to hide him from curious passers-by. Zan went home.. I stalled him 'till he was more sober, but I sent a message to Flynt, also, to take over his ship as autopilot.
As for me, I was on the point of falling asleep myself, until You-Know-Who walked in again. "You're a hard person to find," Helix said as he walked in, having apperantly tracked or followed me somehow from the base to here. Glad to have a second chance to talk to him, no blasters attatched, we made a clean slate of it and talked of how we knew Deedax. He was the older brother, he said, and told me the story I had wished I'd known when we were training long ago. Then of course we talked about him. Deedax the slick... Deedax the stubborn... Deedax down-for-anything... Deedax my friend and student who I believed dead these years scince I received the report of the incident in Bestine.
...but maybe not quite as dead as I thought he was?
Helix said he had been seen in places he never remembered being.. A clue? A hint? He spied the signet ring which Deedax willed to me, which I still wear on my pinky, and told me something else of it- that it was his mother's ring. His mother.. His mother whom he cared for, and who's death, and the events surrounding it hurt him so much to recall.. As I thought of it, I heard Helix take his leave, almost using my name. My name which I hadn't told him yet. Without missing a beat, I reponded "Catch you later, Deedax." to which I was given no response. Well.. it was a hunch. My senses told me nothing definite, but combining that clue with the fact Deedax never mentioned a brother, I took the leap. All I know is that from that point, I met Helix no more, and only Deedax appeared to me. Deedax who is -not- dead, and who knew, suddenly, I was in Crimson Ridge. I am.. overjoyed to find him again. We've spoken twice scince, but I have also scince left Crimson Ridge. I'll be back, though, not only to take care of business with Thode, but also in hopes of meeting with him again. I left my comm.code, but... I have the sneaking supicion a "dead" man wouldn't be caught using a comm.link much. That I will wait and see for.
*She clears her throat, her voice hoarse from whispering on and on. Picking up again, she goes in another direction.*
As for the the bombings, Muaarga volunteered to help with the investigation. I told him almost everything I knew, but can't quite seem to get around to telling him about the first bombing.. in which I was the cause of the explosion. I.. just can't bring myself to do it, though I know I will have to eventually. The events surrounding it could provide important clues. It's selfish of me, I think, now that I look at it, but I worry what he might say or think. He may not know it, but he has tested me and my ideals to a point where I feel I have to either 1) abandon them entirely, or 2) bite the bullet and find some miracle of a way to pull it off. He says things.. that challenge my commitment to non-ignorance. Truths that I don't want to hear.. Fears that are put in words more accurately than I could myself... Solutions that, though painful, are the most logical choice.... Yet, as he does so, he offers nothing but kindness, and help. Whatever pain he unintentionally puts me through, and whatever he says to right me when I'm wrong, it's all in the name of good will, and good faith, and.. I don't know how to describe it. It's like... as Arden is like my mother... he is almost like a father. *She's hesitant as she speaks these last few lines, never having put these thoughts together before* Is that possible? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. It could be that this is just the way he is, and I am just another being in need of help. Though that doesn't make it any less appreciated, and definitely not any less good of him.
I eventually talked to Thode. It went as I expected. "The fur flew, and the claws came out" to put it in the terms I know best. Keren was there, and he gave him a hearty helping of what I was feeding him too. Overzealous, a little bit, but appreciated nevertheless. In the end my name was... well no, not exactly cleared... but I don't believe he thinks quite so firmly that I did it. Still swiped the cookies of his desk, though. Wonder how long it'll take him to notice. Keren let me crash at his place until the issue is resolved. *sigh* I feel like such a freeloader. I don't remember the last time I slept in my own place.
Later I caught up Muaarga, and the conversation turned to what was to be done with the real bomber. I told him, of course, that I wanted to kill it, and if it was already dead, to kill it again until it stayed that way. He was surprised I wanted something so dark.. I was surprised he didn't expect it from me.. it was one of those times when I had to choos between sticking to my guns, or starting all over. Well the guns and I have a fond history, but honestly, I was ready to just walk away and give up. He said something.. about all the kills I had racked up in my life coming back to haunt me- eh, I'm paraphrasing -and... well I couldn't deny it. Just look at me now. Practically afraid of my own shadow... in whatever figurative sense you want to put that in.
*She breathes out a long, sharp sigh through her teeth. When she speaks again, her voice has that cold edge again, but it's weak and tired behind that.*
If I was not damaged, I would be fighting now. I would be working to even the score in this galactic game of cat and mouse the Empire and the Alliance are playing. I would be making use of myself and my talents. I would have my focus, and not be so soft as I am now. The way I think of myself and my own problems now is shameful, and I'm not going to finish this log right now, because I don't want to hear or speak any more about it.
*END*
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